I’m So Excited…I’m So, So Scared

Ladies and gentlemen, Jessie Spano. So today’s the big day. In just a few hours, I’ll be at the doctor’s office, getting what is either a drug that may heal me and give me the relief I’ve waited for for two years — or I won’t. Or I’ll get the placebo, which won’t heal me […]

Used To

“I mean, I’m no stranger to pain,” I told the note-taking physician’s assistant with the sympathetic eyes. “I used to run marathons.” I used to run marathons. When you don’t think before you speak, you say things like that. And then, as you keep rambling about your symptoms aloud, the thoughts in the back of […]

“Who’s Taking Care Of You?”

You know how when you learn a new word, suddenly it pops up everywhere? It’s in the book you’re reading, it comes up in daily conversation with your bodega guy and it’s the answer to a “Jeopardy!” question. You’re newly hyper-aware of this discovery — this exciting word! — and now you can’t escape it. […]

No.

No. I’m not better. Everyone keeps asking, “Do you feel any better?” Nope. Not really. I had fleeting moments this weekend on the couch where I’d think, “Hey hey hey now, I think I’m OK! I think I can go for a walk! I should unpack from Arizona! Let me check the SoulCycle schedule for […]

I Still Believe In The Rabbits

Wednesday was “Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit” day. I have woken up on the first day of every month since kindergarten and, while still laying in bed, I have whispered, “Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit.” It’s supposed to bring you good luck for the rest of the month. Clearly it’s not a foolproof method for success, but I stick […]

Short-Lived Happy Tears

Last week — like so many of the ones that came before it — was something of a disaster for me. But between the rage-filled phone calls with angry nurses, the sleepless nights and the increasingly-high fevers, there were a few moments of unbridled optimism. They eventually went away and proved hopeless, but they were […]