We did it!
We all survived the first month with a newborn!
One month!I honestly can’t believe Annie is already one month old. But, and I know I keep saying this, it also seems like a billion years ago that I was in the hospital giving birth, and a billion-er years ago that I was pregnant.
I remember little things: I remember putting Annie in her car seat for the first time to bring her home, and I remember introducing her to Ellie. But the rest of this first month has been a total blur. I know I’ve cried more than I ever have. I know I’ve questioned every single thing I’m doing. I know I’ve stared at Annie’s sweet little face for hours at a time. And when I stop staring at her, I’m usually looking at photos and videos of her on my phone. I’m addicted to this tiny human.
When Ellie met Annie!All things considered, Annie is such a good baby. She’s pretty chill, and when she cries, I can usually tell why. And every day, I get a little better at learning how to calm and soothe her. (Thank you, Happiest Baby on the Block video. I didn’t read the book, but the video gets an A+ from me.)
I vaguely remember the first time Annie and I were alone. Brian had to run into the office for a few hours one afternoon, and it was just us. I was terrified. I think I cried the whole time. And spoiler: We did fine.
Even when, in the thick of things, I’ve thought the world was ending and I am the worst mom ever and that Annie must hate me and see how clueless I am, we’ve always been fine.
“Lady, WUT are you doing?”People talk about how parenting is hard. How new motherhood is hard. How breastfeeding can be hard. I never thought too much about any of that before I found myself in this position. And now, unsurprisingly, I get it. And I get what people mean when they say it’s hard, but it’s worth it. That never made sense to me. How can something that’s making you miserable be “amazing?”
But oh my god, Annie is amazing. And when I’m struggling, it’s just because we’re all new at this. We’re figuring each other out and getting to know each other. Sometimes that’s really frustrating, like when it’s 3 AM and she’s crying but she has a full belly and a clean diaper and just burped.
LOL CLASSIC ANNIEAnd as much as people tend to get weird when you compare babies to puppies, I have to say, for me it’s been pretty similar. I remember bringing Ellie home and feeling terrified and clueless and crying when Brian went to work because he was the smart, solid one and I was the idiot who had never had a dog and why does she keep peeing everywhere but on her pee pad?
For the first few weeks of parenthood, I felt like Brian was the perfect parent and I was clueless. I had no confidence. I was afraid to do anything to Annie. I didn’t want to hurt her or make her upset or be the reason she was crying. I wanted to be a natural, and I’m not, but I’m learning. One month in, and my confidence is already so boosted. I’m still apprehensive about many things — agreeing to meet someone at a certain time, driving alone with her (what if she cries while I’m driving?! how do I soothe her if I’m on the highway?! what if she needs me?), or generally venturing too far from the comfort of our home. But I’m getting better.
Strolling with my homies!We go for walks every day. Sometimes she fusses or cries when we’re out, and I know how to settle her down. (She usually either wants her pacifier, she moved so her hat pushed down over her eyes, or she’s starting to get hungry.) And honestly, as the one person who is with her all day every day, I finally feel like I know her best. (IT’S A COMPETITION. ALWAYS. No, I’m kidding. But if it were, I would totally win. But it’s not a competition.) I know her cries, her cues, and all her little faces. And really, it’s like when I was getting to know Ellie. Now, Ellie can be three rooms away, and if she barks or makes a noise, I know exactly what she needs or wants (almost always a ball somewhere she can’t quite reach).
Thank you to everyone who listened to and responded to last week’s episode of the Ali on the Run Show. I went back and forth on that one, as I tend to do a bit with the super personal stuff. But of course, I always share. No filter Feller! I already feel so different than I did when I recorded that episode just a few days ago. And I’m sure a few days from now, I could go right back to feeling unconfident and terrified.
Little family walk!With all that rambling out of the way, here’s some more rambling, and some more things that are constantly on my mind.
So silly!I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I’M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ANNIE AND ELLIE AT THE SAME TIME.
On the days I’ve been home alone with Annie, Ellie has either gone to school (it’s right downstairs!) or to the office with Brian. Ellie is a really good dog (duh), but she also requires a lot of attention and energy. I’ve tried walking Ellie while pushing Annie in the stroller, and it’s pretty much impossible. I’ve also taken Ellie out briefly while wearing Annie in the Ergo carrier, but that’s challenging, too. People with big, energetic dogs and newborns, give me your tips and advice! Also, what do I do if Brian is working late and it’s 10 PM and Annie is sound asleep and Ellie needs to go potty. We live in an apartment building, so I can’t just let Ellie out the back door. What do I do?!
The sweetest pineapples in the world!I’M SO TIRED OF THINKING ABOUT MY BOOBS.
Right now, I am “exclusively pumping.” (Why does the word exclusively annoy me?) Pumping, for the most part, doesn’t bother me too much anymore. At first, I loathed it, but now that my nipples have healed from our attempts at breastfeeding (ouchhhhh), pumping is fine. I sit and play on my phone or watch TV or waste time on my computer. I pump seven times a day for 20–25 minutes each time. So that adds up for sure. I only really hate it when Annie needs me at the same time. I try to pump when she’s napping, but I’m also trying to stick to roughly every three hours, so it can get tricky.
FEED ME!!!I’ve read so much stuff about pumping — at least the first 19 pages of Google results — and there are women who say they feed their babies bottles while pumping. How? Annie needs to be burped every few minutes mid-feed, and when I try to pick her up and hold her between my pumping boobs, she inevitably kicks one of the flanges and just about rips off my nipple. Not ideal. She likes to be picked up if she’s a little fussy, and it’s impossible to do that mid-pump. Also, people say they lie their babies across their laps while they pump, which I did once, and Annie promptly got knocked in the face by the bottle I was pumping into. Sorry, Anno! (She has many nicknames.)
But generally, I feel like all I do is think about my boobs. About when I need to pump next. About making sure all my pump parts are ready to go. (Don’t worry, I have tons of spares.) About clogged ducts. (I’ve had two so far. It felt like having golf balls lodged into my boobs. Ouch!) About how I thought I’d be able to sleep on my stomach post-pregnancy, but NOPE. I can’t, because my boobs hurt, and because the other night I slept on my stomach and woke up with the most painful clogged duct. So no more of that. Maybe someday!
“Sleep on your back, mom! It’s much better!”On Sunday, we all — Annie, Ellie, Brian, Ali — went to the park for a little hike and so Ellie could run around and have fun. I drove, and Brian sat in the back to oversee the kids. And I pumped while driving. (Hands-free bra FTW.) My boobs are just always out and on display. I am a milkmaid.
So yeah. Boobs. All day, every day. Oh also they are huge. Like porn star huge. And not really in a sexy way. All my clothes are too tight, and not even because of my “post-baby body.” Because of my gargantuan breasts.
Let’s move on!
I look at this photo specifically 500 times a day.I AM SO THIRSTY.
I have never drank so much water in my life! I am also eating terribly! I haven’t been able to get my act together enough to actually meal prep or grocery shop, which isn’t even exclusive to this time in my life. I’ve NEVER really done that! I’ve pretty much been living off Peanut M&Ms and Oreos, and while those foods are delicious, it’s…not great. I’m starting Blue Apron again in December, so we’ll see how that goes.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DO ALL DAY.
I feel busy every day, but then it’s 5 PM and I look around and wonder, “WTF did I even do today?” I have no idea. I snuggle Annie a lot, which is most important. I pump a lot. And I watch a lot of Ellen, Jeopardy (LOVING Teen Tournament weeks!), and Wheel of Fortune (Vanna White, you are a queen). Also still watching This Is Us, and am very into A Million Little Things (though I always accidentally call it Big Little Lies or Pretty Little Liars or Big Little Pretty Things). And I’ve been sucked back into Grey’s Anatomy for the 17th time. I hate myself.
Oh, and while we’re on the topic of television, I am obsessed with this commercial. It makes me smile every time. I love Diana.
OH, COMPARISON.
I know not to do it. I know. And I’m pretty good about it, usually. But I’ll be honest: I see posts from women who had babies around the same time I did, and they’re already running six miles a day (HOW? do their boobs not hurt like mine?!) or getting a ton of work done or making elaborate dinners every night. With a big smile on their faces! I have a smile on my face a lot of the time, but I don’t have my shit together all that much. Just a reminder, I suppose, that we’re all doing our best and some days my best is never changing out of my PJs.
TINY JAZZ HANDS!!!I GET REALLY ANXIOUS AT NIGHTTIME.
During the day, Annie and I do OK. But as we near bedtime, I get really anxious. She’s been a pretty decent sleeper, but I still get nervous about nighttime. About getting into “a routine.” About the possibility that I’m doing everything wrong and she’ll never be a good sleeper. (She is a good sleeper for a one-month-old, at least I think she is! But I am really good at worrying about absolutely everything.) I see so many people who, a month in, already have these locked-down bedtime routines. We don’t, but lately we’ve been trying to feed Annie her last bottle around 9:30 PM and have her in bed by 10:00. People have suggested “dream feeds,” too, which I had to Google, and which we do when Brian is going to bed later than the rest of us. So far, so mostly decent. We get some good stretches most nights, but every night is different and unpredictable.
THE SOUND OF MY BABY CRYING IS THE WORST.
It makes me so sad. Yesterday was the first time Annie was crying and shed an actual TEAR, and it destroyed me. Babies shouldn’t be sad or scared or unhappy. They should always just feel loved and snuggled and safe. And dry.
THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE ANNIE PICTURE. OMG.I REALLY HATE THAT IT GETS DARK AT LIKE 2 PM.
I don’t think I need to expand much on this. I’m sure we all feel it. But it sucks when it starts to get dark and I realize there are still around four hours before Brian gets home, and the darkness is just a big ol’ bummer.
I CAN’T WAIT TO RUN AGAIN!
You know why? Because my Crohn’s flared during the majority of my pregnancy, so I haven’t just gone for a casual outdoor run in what feels like so long! My Crohn’s flare has evaporated like absolute magic, and I look forward to the day I feel up for getting out for a run.
Not quite running, but quite lovely!But on the workout front, I mostly miss Orangetheory because it was such a part of my daily routine, and it’s where I got my social time. As a work-from-home freelancer, I don’t get a ton of IRL social interaction, and my workout buddies turned into some of my closest friends. So while I miss the sweat, sure, I mostly just miss seeing my people.
UPDATE: I broke my stupid pinky toe last night, so it may be a little while longer than I hoped before I’m back in action. Seriously, body, feel free to cooperate any time now!
I’LL BE HONEST: I KIND OF REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT BREAST MILK TASTES LIKE.
I spend so much time looking at it and dealing with it, and I’m just curious. I don’t think I’ll ever actually try it. BUT IF YOU HAVE, WHAT DOES IT TASTE LIKE?!
MY HORMONES FEEL A BIT MORE STABLE ONE MONTH IN.
I still have really intense moments. On Saturday, I ran out to go to Target quickly and I cried the entire time. I’m not sure why. It hit me like a wave. I still have intense highs and intense lows, but for the most part, I’m somewhere in between. The first two weeks were unreal, but I feel like I’m starting to normalize.
Every day brings a new challenge, along with a new smile, wiggle, or squeak.
Immediate stress reliever!And for every million times I’ve told myself, “You can’t do this, you suck at this, you’ll never figure all this out,” there have been at least two times I’ve reminded myself, “You’re doing this, you’re OK at this, you’re figuring this out. You got this.”
34 Responses
This is such a beautiful post. Well done mommy! She is so beautiful.
I exclusively pumped for 7 months. The best day of my life was when I gave it up and introduced formula. Don’t let the breastfeeding guilt get to you – do what works for you and your baby. Formula is fine – oh and if you do go that route the Kirkland brand formula is half the price of Similac and the exact same manufacturer!
OMG. Cuteness overload!! Love all these photos!
Personally I hated the taste of my breastmilk. I started gagging after tasting it. Ew. But baby seemed to like it so..?
You’re doing a great job, but I totally get the stress/anxiety that goes along with a little one. I felt like the first year was just a constant guessing game because they go through many different stages and you want to make sure they are developing properly. I found learning to trust (and forgive) myself and trusting my daughter and pediatrician really helped.
Don’t worry about doing x,y, and z just because someone else is doing it. I remember panicking when I realized that other moms have their 1 month old on a routine (eat, sleep, play) and I didn’t. If things are working for you, great. Keep doing that. If you’re struggling in one area, then mention it to another mom friend or to your pediatrician and they’ll help you figure it out.
If you think your anxiety is getting to be too much, tell your midwife. It’s common for women to not recognize postpartum anxiety and depression in themselves–speaking from experience. Take care. <3
It gets easier! Which I’m sure you’re learning now. And babies all vary with their sleeping habits…my daughter had colic and woke up avg 4x a night and we basically HAD to sleep train when I went back to work at 4 months because I was getting on average 4 broken hours of sleep a night and it wasn’t sustainable. We often make difficult choices for our babies, but remember that just because they are crying doesn’t mean they are damaged. Sometimes babies just hate change. So yes, some tears with sleep training, but my daughter went from all day grumpy and stalling on developmental milestones to a super happy bubbly baby that hit 3 milestones in a week after we sleep trained. I think as a parent you decide what’s necessary, but I believe she wasn’t getting enough sleep. Just thought I’d chime in with an anecdotal story!
Also breastmilk tastes like sweet milk 🙂 It’s kind of weird, but not bad. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with tasting it, if you get curious 😉
I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant and I so appreciate your honesty! I often have to remind myself that the people who look like they have it all together are only showing us the highlights. Hang in there!
It sounds like you’re doing a great job! She is so cute! Those face expressions :))
Yes to so much of this. My boobs will never be the same, so many people have seen them at this point, and I don’t feel remotely embarrassed about it. Super surprisingly to everyone (including myself) I’ve been a very laid back parent with newborns, but never getting into a “nighttime routine” was my biggest fear. I don’t really have advice, but to give you a glimmer of hope, it sounds like you’re doing what I did (bottle before bed around 9:30), and both my babies magically started sleeping through the night around 8ish weeks. Crossing my fingers Annie does the same for you!
Long story short, you’re doing great, parenting is hard but so much more amazing than you could ever imagine, and Annie is SO FREAKING CUTE.
I had my first baby in April, and I can identify with so much of what you’re going through! The nighttime anxiety! The constant thinking about your boobs! The crazy emotions! I’ll echo what pretty much everyone else has said: you’re doing great and it’ll get easier. I’m still breastfeeding, so I’m still thinking about my boobs constantly, but everything else has gotten way easier. And despite breastfeeding my boobs are finally back to a more normal size, and I can sleep on my stomach without getting clogged ducts (the worst! I have had so many clogged ducts and 3 horrible bouts of mastitis). Working out is still hard because I have to either feed my daughter or pump right before I put on a sports bra (word of caution here, I had a lot of trouble with sports bras causing clogs if my boobs weren’t empty when putting them on, a lactation consultant told me it was the compression so I’m kind of paranoid about it now ), but I make it work. I do orange theory 3x a week and I haven’t had a clog in almost 3 months (I also take lecithin daily now as another person mentioned). Oh and I tasted my breastmilk 🙂 it was shockingly sweet. Like melted ice cream or milk at the end of a bowl of lucky charms. Anyway. I’m a longtime reader and a fellow new mom with crohn’s, and I really enjoy the updates and the pictures of your beautiful daughter. Your love for Annie is extremely evident and that’s really all that matters.
The first couple of months are really overwhelming – you’re doing a great job! I also did a mix of BF/pumping. My supply seemed to stabilize around the 6 week mark, and that’s around the time when my boobs stopped feeling so heavy. I woke up one morning and they just felt more normal.
It’s hard (impossible) not to worry or put pressure on yourself, but it will get easier and you will get into a rhythm. Hang in there – you got this!
Oh Ali. Try to ignore the voices that say you aren’t doing a good job – they don’t k ow what they’re talking about. It’s hard but you’re doing great!!
The milk at the bottom of the cereal bowl–that’s how my breastmilk tasted. It wasn’t super sweet, but just a bit. I didn’t drink it, just licked it off my finger sometimes when it would drip or squirt.
I just opened a Dove dark chocolate “promise” square when I started reading this, and it said, “You’ve got this!” So I think it was like a social media ad, and I’m sure it was a message for you 🙂 Annie is totally adorable (so is Ellie, in all fairness). And they couldn’t possibly keep being so amazing if you weren’t doing at least most of the things right.
I exclusively pumped for the first 3 months and was obsessed with all things pumping – it took over my life and made it hard to concentrate on anything else. I’m happy I made it 3 months but the day I switched over to formula I felt a like a weight had been lifted (my husband would probably argue that I should have switched sooner). Everyone needs to do what’s best for them and their baby and you’ll eventually find your groove either continuing to pump or switching to formula. Annie will thrive either way!
I also had the nighttime anxiety. Once we put her down at night I would stress and try to guess when she would wake up next. This eventually goes away so know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there you’re doing amazing!
You’re doing a great job and this entire post is just so perfectly describing all the things that come with being a new mom. The boobs thing – oh man, I hear ya. I had so much milk and such giant boobs, the thought of RUNNING with them (yes, they were their own entity) was absurd. I’m just here to say – it’s still REALLY early. You just had her. 1 month. Of a lifetime. That’s really short even though it feels so long too. You’ll be able to pump and feed and do all kinds of things at once – when she’s a little older. Be patient with yourself. And lastly – start taking lecithin supplements to prevent (and treat) clogged ducts. It’s a magical tip from my midwife and many fellow moms. It helped tremendously. Keep up all your great work! 🙂 https://kellymom.com/nutrition/vitamins/lecithin/
regarding taking care of Ellie and Annie together, the bigger Annie gets, the easier it will be to maneuver the two of them around. It won’t always feel so overwhelming with a tiny, fragile newborn!
I have a 6 month old and exclusively pumped for the first 3 months until we switched to formula. Pumping takes over your life! I would try to do it while he was sleeping, or put him in the rock n play or on a play mat where I could reach him, but it’s hard not being able to pick them up while pumping. And of course the dog would need to be let out as soon as I sit down to pump or feed him. And there were times I had to stop pumping 5 min in bc he would get fussy. We switched to formula after 3 months bc I was just over pumping.
Thank you for keeping it real. I have a 15 month old and life does get a little easier with more sleep, but seriously, all of this is on point and all the same things I felt. You got this, mama!
Ahh what a special/crazy/intense/amazing/scary time. I love it and miss it so much, can’t wait for my next baby. But I also remember the evening anxiety and the night my baby cried so many times that I have a strong memory of holding him at 4am thinking wtf did I do to my life! Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, you’ve got this. Your love for that baby is overflowing and that is all you need to be an amazing mama!
Oh, also, you will be able to sleep on your stomach again sometime soon! I think around 3 months postpartum my boobs became normal enough to sleep on without clogs. That’s also when I was able to cut down on the number of pumps per day.
As to when you’ll get to stop thinking about your boobs: still waiting on that one…
Freemie cups! They work with most major breast pumps and are the only way I have gotten things done in my 7 months of exclusive pumping. I also got a rechargeable pump called a BabyBuddha that you can wear around your neck on a lanyard that makes it much easier to drive/walk/cook/clean/play with the babe. As to feeding while pumping, I put my little guy in a Boppy lounger. The freemies stick out way less than normal flanges so it’s easier. Not my favorite way to feed but it did work.
You got this mama! Annie and Ellie are lucky to have you.
I don’t have kids so I really can’t relate. But, I always appreciate your honestly and ability to be vulnerable. It’s so impressive. You are rocking it, trust yourself. Every journey is different so easy with the comparisons. And damn girl, the part about your boobs had me laughing so hard. Thanks for always bringing the humor.
About pumping…have you thought about/heard of Freemies or Willow pump? Makes pumping and feeding at the same time easier and might be worth looking into.
So much of this resonated with me. I also exclusively pumped and while it was hard at the time, I’m so grateful for it. It allowed my husband to be a part of feeding and nighttime routines. But many people just don’t understand it (isn’t it a waste of time, why don’t you just breastfeed?). I also want to give you the biggest hug for the nighttime anxiety. SO much yes! My daughter slept fairly well but I was so tired and so worried she wouldn’t go to sleep or stay asleep. Ugh so much anxiety (she’s 2.5 and I still shudder at the memory). It does get better! I don’t know when Annie will sleep through the night but you’ll get there!!
1. Ellie will become the dog you need her to be around baby! She’ll learn to hold her bladder and sometimes be denied “going out” until baby is awake. Also, my dog became sort of like my stroller security because he’s now so diligent about keeping pace with us and not the other way around. EVERYONE in your family is learning!
2. Re: comparison–I feel envious that you managed to work out for darn near all 9 months of your pregnancy. My back and pelvis are in *excruciating* crying-when-i-roll-over-in-bed pain if I walk a single mile (I’m 7 months along!). So just because some people can work out at various stages of pregnancy/postpartum doesn’t say anything about your character or anything!
3. So much of getting-your-baby-on-a-schedule is either the baby’s temperament or a parenting decision. I knew a mom who put her week-old twins on a schedule because she felt that was the only way to have a semblance of order in her life. You do cry-it-out at nap time and bedtime, and feed them on a precise schedule even if it means waking them from sleep. I think most babies tend to fall into a rhythm closer to 3-4 months. That said, my son woke every 3 hours at night for 7 months. I waited to see if he would sleep longer….and he didn’t…and I was literally hallucinating from lack of sleep…so we did cry it out and got on a true schedule then. Some parents would call me weak for not doing it sooner, others would say I’m a barbarian. You’ll know when both you and Annie are ready for a schedule, and don’t put ANY pressure on yourself!
Ali, I think you are a wonderful Mom and everything that Allie needs, you can provide for her (Brian too, w/out the breast milk of course). It would be weird if you did not feel anxious and all your concerns are completely normal and I had the same worries with my first daughter back in 1999! What she needs most is to be fed, cleaned and cuddled and I think you are doing all those things in the best way for her. The other stuff can happen at a slower pace; enjoy some walks outside with her and Ellie when possible and if Ellie one day has an accident because you were alone and couldn’t get out, so be it. The mess will get cleaned up. Hugs & high fives to you xx
Give yourself some grace! You are doing great! Your hormones are whacked out, you just had a baby. Until you aren’t breastfeeding, your hormones will be crazy, newborns are hard, it’s a new relationship, and both of you are getting to know each other. All the snuggles, all the junkt staring as the Annie and all the just being together is the best! Big hugs to you all!
You are doing amazing and your fears and anxieties are totally normal! Thinking back to my first- I had her in Jan 2015 when we were clobbered with snow. I think the first 8 weeks I was a mess of anxiety and nerves (and my husband worked around the clock and I vividly remember getting anxious as it got dark but knowing I had hours too before he came home).
I listened to your podcast and you said something along the lines of wanting to be the chill parent or not the “nervous/anxious/worrier” and I truly think (now that my daughter is almost 4 and my son is 18 months) there’s a benefit to being the worrier. After awhile it WILL get easier and become routine in some ways but there are always new things and I have found my instinct and know where the worry is warranted (and is helpful!)
It’s also way easier to say this after time but the things we worry about in that first year truly wont impact them the way we fear they will. Take it easy on yourself because you’re feeding and loving on that little girl and that’s all she needs!
I had to laugh at the porn star boobs comment. I once said that exact thing to my sister when I saw her boobs right after she had one of her daughters. Thanks for that funny memory! And, if it makes you feel any better, I get anxiety and I’m not even trying to keep a tiny human alive. Your baby is adorable!
My goodness that is a cute baby.
Yes to all the above. I have a three year old and a one year old. I breastfed the 3 year old for 15 months and am still breastfeeding the 1 year old – IT IS HARD. Neither of my kids sleep. I spent (wasted) so much time worrying about sleep with my first. She would only sleep for 40 minute stretches for her first year.
My second is better but still rarely sleeps more than 2 hours at a time, which most people would tell you is crazy for a 1 year old, but that is just how it goes in our house. Now I know every child is so different. I also had November babies and being inside with a newborn snuggling is nice, but also can cause you to go stir crazy. I don’t have answers – can only say you are doing amazing and to just keep at it every day. Somehow it all works out. Oh and fresh air is amazing. I would make sure I was the one to get the mail everyday with the second baby – and would spend 10 minutes going to the end of the drive way 😉
For the first three months (or longer) the most important thing is to keep you both alive, loved, and reasonably comfortable each day. If that happens and you eat oreos in your pjs all day, it’s success.
Also I think on your podcast you were wondering how to find time to exercise. During the newborn months I was able to (sometimes) fit in a 20-30 min workout on a treadmill or to an exercise video with my son watching/dozing in a bouncer.
You are doing a great job! It is so so hard to become a mom. Breastfeeding was never easy for me either. The dedication it takes to exclusively pump is amazing. It takes so much time and effort and you are amazing for doing it. My “baby” is now almost 2 and I am just now feeling like I’ve hit my stride as a Mom. You will get there too. Listening to mom podcasts, especially One Bad Mother, got me through many months of pumping.
The whole “getting nervous at night” thing totally resonated with me. I don’t know why, but I used to get the WORST anxiety and feeling of dread around 5pm with my first. It got better (surprise, surprise) once he started sleeping on a better schedule.
And totally feel you on the huge boobs thing. Ugh, I had H cup while pregnant and it was just ridiculous the first few weeks after. I’m pretty sure every human being in my inner circle, and even most in the next layer of the friend circle has seen my boobs at this point (i have a 3 year old and 1 year old). No shame left!
You’re doing a great job, mama!
Do the boobs go down to a more manageable size eventually even while still breastfeeding? I am 18 weeks pregnant and the thing I hate most on my body right now are my boobs, my normal C Cup is is a triple D and I am terrified of how much I will hate them after.
you are killing it! you’ve kept a HUMAN alive for a month and that is a huge accomplishment. And she is loved and fed and that is all she needs right now. I’ve been training to becoming a lactation consultant and have started telling moms to take it day by day as much as possible the first 12 weeks. annie is a lucky girl!