I can’t stop bouncing and wiggling today.
As soon as I finished my workout this morning, I’ve had this nonstop energy that I can’t burn off. I figured I’d hit an afternoon slump, but it never happened.
Instead, I jammed my way through my shower and getting-ready routine, bopped on the subway, and actually danced down 14th Street to my office. Then I sat in my chair at work all day, blasting iTunes previews (I CAN’T COMMIT TO BUYING AN ENTIRE SONG SOMETIMES AND I LIKE TO PONDER IT FOR A WEEK OR THREE FIRST…Brian finds this quality of mine “charming” and “so annoying” and “oh my god it’s $1.29, please just buy it so I don’t have to hear 90 seconds of the same song over and over, why are you being so cheap?”) and begging my coworkers to have dance parties with me. And then I ate a bunch of Starburst, so I had even more energy. I am probably annoying the piss out of people who have to deal with me. So sorryyyyyy.
During my commute, I felt like Christopher Walken in that music video from that thing with the people (Moby?), but with more style, i.e. sweet janky white girl shimmy shakes and a very stiff lower body. But yeah, I’ve had this bouncy energy and I haven’t ever done coke or drank coffee before, but is that what it’s like? Is this coffee? Because it sounds awesome. I want this forever.
I am absolutely brimming with happy energy and positivity. I have this hopefully infectious joy running through me at all times lately, and I do not hate it.
Let’s go back in time.
As you may know, this wasn’t the case for a long time. It was the opposite case. The saddest little case.
I was sullen, depressed, frustrated, and miserable. I knew the root of my problem — being sick — and since I didn’t feel I could control my disease, I chose not to bother trying to control my mindset either. I coped the way I wanted to cope, not the way I knew I should cope, and I allowed myself to bask in my night-sweaty misery.
Eventually, as my health took a major turn, my mentality followed suit. The shift came in the springtime, and suddenly everything was in bloom. Some of my abandoned optimism was returning.
The new job certainly helped. The new atmosphere, new commute, new lunch options, wonderful new coworkers — it was all crucial, and all played a part in helping me return to my [cheesy phrase alert] best self.
But I was still my old stressy self in many ways, freaking out about such minor things, like if Brian didn’t make the bed absolutely perfectly (last person out of the bed makes it — which is why I always set my alarm for five minutes before Brian’s), or if I left the apartment oh-so-slightly later than I’d hoped for work, even though no one really cares what time I get in so long as my work gets done. And of course, at the time, these freakouts were warranted and not at all crazy! Oh, Ali…
But, like I said, things shifted. Slowly in some ways, but seemingly overnight in others.
An especially influential shift for me came when I started attending November Project workouts. I fell hard and fast for this group.
I look forward to the Wednesday and Friday morning November Project workouts all week. I’m so happy to be there, and I’m sad when the workouts end and we all part ways to go about our busy days. I love this ever-growing community, and I just can’t believe that the people I’ve met are so genuinely good. It’s not a catty group, nor a cliquey group. It’s straight legitimate goodness. With some swearing. Exactly my style.
[I know I’m repeating myself a bit here from previous posts, but is that OK? Can I hype just once more, and you’ll stick with me? Maybe even come to a workout or 12 with me to find out for yourself? Thanks.]
Each Wednesday, the co-leaders (John and Paul) select someone worthy to win the Positivity Award.
It’s all about the good attitude, the support, the positive vibes you bring to the group. I tend to complain a lot during the workouts because running the bridge is so hard, and burpees are the worst, and on PR Day we have to run fast, and I just want to play and dance.
Needless to say, I was overwhelmingly shocked to receive the Positivity Award last week, in front of 100+ of my newest and dearest friends. (I was also terrified, because the award is handed off with a gentle toss from one week’s winner to the next, and catching flying objects in front of a live audience is one of my great fears, like hairless cats and Stonehenge.)
I wasn’t in a good place when I started attending NP workouts. I went because I was healthy enough to exercise, but my head was still in a very negative space. (Did I really just write “my head was in a negative space?” Who am I? Is this the yoga talking? I should start swearing more in this post so you know it’s still me, Ali.)
I went to these workouts to do just that: work out. But along the way, I’ve found so much more than good sweat. I’ve found this whole world I didn’t know I was missing, and that I didn’t realize I needed. It’s this endless cycle of happiness, of support, of positivity, and of really motivating energy. I have had a wonderful network of incredible friends since moving to New York City, but this group gives me a big something extra.
When Paul presented me with the Positivity Award, he talked about how I’ve made an impact on the group since the first workout I attended, and how I’ve had a great attitude the whole time (he must not be around when I’m trying to get out of doing burpees and opting for half-assed tricep dips instead). He also mentioned my dance moves, and it’s nice to know that those have made an impact as well.
The second my dear friend Emily tossed that stick my way (yes, I caught it!), I felt changed. And yes, I am fully aware of the cheesy sentiments behind everything I’m writing today, but I hope by now you know I’m really being genuine and not making this shit up or exaggerating.
Getting the award was validation. I’ve wanted to be my “old self” again. I wanted that girl back for so long. And now I was getting publicly recognized for being outwardly happy, positive, and a good influence.
November Project and its people…they are game changers. They turned me around, and they brought me back to life. I may have seemed happy and psyched at that first workout, but I wasn’t. I was forcing it, hoping the positivity would follow suit. I don’t have to force anything now.
My NP friends have made me laugh on my sad days, and they helped restore the confidence I came back lacking. My fitness was shit when I went to my first workout in May, and I barely made it over that bridge once. On my first PR Day, I completed the workout in a little more than 21 minutes. Today, I finished in 17:50.
My new friends have supported me, pushed me, and reassured me that “you can do this,” when I am definitely thinking, “No, I can’t, and you suck, and you’re so fit, and I’m a wimp, and I’m horrible, and I’m dead.” They believe in me every single day. This kind of support, especially once you venture into adulthood, is rare and special, and I feel so fortunate to have found it. It is a judgment-free zone, like Planet Fitness, but it’s free and there are no elliptical machines. My dad goes to Planet Fitness. He loves the elliptical machine.
When I first heard about the Positivity Award, I thought the concept was cute, if a bit gimmicky. Cheesy, even. Such gouda. But that wooden stick completely affected me this past week.
I carried it with me everywhere.
It was a constant reminder to be kinder (that rhymed), more empathetic, to friends and strangers alike. I wasn’t a total dick on the subway. I held more doors for people. I rushed less. I think maybe my posture was better. That might have been unrelated, and more tying back to some underboob chafing issues. I don’t know.
The Positivity Award made me a better person. It made me more positive.
I passed the award on this morning to someone incredibly worthy and amazing (an honor in itself), but I still have an imaginary stick with me at all times. I will name it later. (Maurice. Space cowboy.)
The best part?
It was only a few weeks ago that I was still hating myself, frustrated with my abilities and my misbehaving body. I worked to regain my confidence, and along the way, I let this group of once-strangers bring out the best in me.
I have this huge NYC family now. I have so many “I’ll be there for you no matter what” people to call on that it’d be hard to choose an In Case of Emergency. (You’re my #1 always, Bailey.)
Thanks for bringing me back, NP. I’m practically dripping positivity (no, that’s sweat), and it’s the best feeling I’ve known in years. Really. Years.
In my next post, I will try to do some sarcasm and complaining and swearing, lest you think I am crapping glitter ’round the clock over here.
J/K THAT IS WHAT I’M DOING, GLITTER AND RAINBOWS AND MINI PONIES. And giraffes. And sloths. Maybe a baby harp seal, too.
I will always say that I hate having Crohn’s disease. And I do. It’s a real bitch. (There’s the swearing!) I hate what Crohn’s has done to my body, and I hate the way it’s affected my loved ones. But man, those shitty times it brings really really really do make me love these kickass times.
So I guess it’s not all bad.
I’m no longer mad at my disease. How’s that for positivity?
DO YOU WANT TO PLAY A HAPPY GAME WITH ME? Something I like to play with my coworkers is “tell me three feelings you are feeling right now.” One of my [male] coworkers was appalled by this. His response: “Three feelings?! There are only three feelings that exist!” According to him, there is only happy, sad, and angry. Can you name more?
65 Responses
Love this post and so glad I found your blog! Also, huge fan of JackRabbit Sports. Ran the Brooklyn 10 Miler sponsored by JR this weekend.
1) Nostalgic for the weekend
2) Excited to run NYC Marathon this year
3) Tired (my legs are tired after yesterday!)
Yay! I’m so glad you ran and had a great time! I was there! Woo!
1. SappyHappy
2. Hungry (always)
3. Motivated
I love these positivity posts, they make me very, very happy. Also they kinda make me want to move to NYC. But London is keeping me happy for now. Keep up the happy, but also the swearing and the food and the running and the grumpy is good too sometimes!
Does sore count as a feeling? Because I’m sore as hell. 3+ hours of your sport after a 1½ month break from it is a slightly painful affair.
1. Sore (but happy)
2. Content (so… happy?)
3. Anxious (but also kinda excited… happy??)
Ali! What a great post. You are awesome!!
Thanks for sharing!
Laura
Emily’s ass does look pretty good.
Now that I’m not training for the HIM, I need to get my ass to NP.
I love how you call Crohn’s a shitty bitch 🙂 I don’t poop glitter, (my craft allowance would LOVE that) I take Humira, and I play Farm Heroes Saga. The only place I run to is the bathroom but other than that we are twins.
You are too funny! Have fun with your group, and keep being you!
This is amazing! Your positive nature in all social media has really got me wanting to try November Project! I’m going to make an effort to test it out 🙂
What an awesome post to read! I am probably only saying that because I had a great day, because you know when you feel like crap and someone else is super happy and you just want to punch them just a little bit? I think that’s an emotion, too. Maybe it’s called jealousy, I like to think of it as “punchiness”.
You know- as many times as I read “running has changed my life and made me a happier person” stories- I never ever ever get sick of them. I am so happy to hear how it has improved your outlook on what is an awful disease and has helped you deal with how it affects your life.
You go girl!
Oh, and 2 more emotions: Hangry (related to angry but not the same and totally a unique emotion), and ecstatic (a whole ‘nother level beyond happy!).
1. Empowered
2. Content
3. Excited
Because of this post I rolled out of bed at 5:55am this morning (way early for me as I work two minutes from my apartment) to join NP for the first time in DC. I was scared out of my mind, exercising in groups was never my forte and hugging strangers?! I barely hug my family, but I did it! And am so glad I did! It wasn’t glorious, and the hill runs totally beat me, but I’m ready to tackle Wednesday’s NP workout now.
This post just filled me with happiness. I am so happy for you and proud of you! When you’re sick it seems impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there and you sure have found it! Keep up the good work and remember these moments when you have bad days! The November Project sounds like a great group. I got that same kind of acceptance happiness, and self worth from joining Team Challenge. Sometimes we just need a little unity. Keep it up! and as TC Team Philly says “poo-ya!” 🙂
amused, tired, wistful
Hrmmmm…. Three feelings.
Free
Thankful
puppy-loving (cause really, that is totally a happy emotion)!
SO loved this post – If only NP was in Seattle. Drat!!! I so badly need a running group out here. I keep hopping from one to the next and have not found that connection yet. Although tomorrow I will be running with some Oiselle girls for the first time (yay new internet friends!
Have a great day/evening/night, Ali!
Thank you for writing this post! I’m currently injured and on Tuesday I wallowed in my misery. Your post gave me the kick I needed to just get over myself.
Well done for winning the award.
This post makes me smile 🙂 and I laughed out loud about men and 3 feelings… So true!!! I’m a school psychologist and teach about feelings all day long… So I can probably list 100!! But I’ll go with jealous (because there is no NP anywhere near me), ecstatic (that you are getting your groove back) and apprehensive (for my new job starting in September)
Happy
chilled
excited
Happy in general and it’s friday, chilled even though got sh*t loads on (this is good) and excited as i have a nice weekend planned and run at lunch time. I am finally starting to enjoy running again. i have kept at it and it starting to feel good again. think it has something to do with buying proper trainers!
We should have a November Project here; it sounds like so much fun and more importantly, so inclusive.
WOW! what an amazing group… I would love to be a part of something like that. I wonder if they have a similar group to the November project in Australia?
P.s Your enthusiasm made me smile 🙂 love it!
Uh… Seems like I got cut off there.
I love this post!
Three feelings: jealousy – I wish there was a NP AND an ALI in Seattle. Elated – quit my job today and feel weird and untethered but elated too. Giddy- I feel giddy because I just learned that Siri on my phone can read emojis. Send a text with emojis and she will tell you things. For example:
I’m SO glad you love NP!!! I KNEW you would!!! Come to a Boston one!! It will change your life! I’m glad to hear things are getting better and more POSITIVE in your life xo
BRB, packing my bags to come live with you and Brian so I can come to NP with you. I can sleep next to Selena Gomez the giraffe. She likes company right?
Can’t say enough how much I love this post! Positivity FTW!
I keep trying for Wednesdays but I don’t do well on 4 hours of sleep and 8am meetings cramp my style (excuses I know…)
Hopefully see you tomorrow!
My first NP was PR day, and I thought I was going to die. I was (also) still feeling sick and hated how I didn’t feel like I was in my own body. I was so self conscious and felt like everyone could tell how I didn’t fit in.
But that first day was also the first time in six months I didn’t need to race for a port-a-potty, even once. I knew there was magic there, despite all my dry-heaving, and kept going.
Yesterday, I got to co-lead the workout for everyone. I can’t get enough; I’m excited all week for it, I’m sad when it’s over, and I’m so wholly present whenever I’m there.
Game changing in every sense of the word. So, so happy you’ve found the magic yourself.
Ok, ok…that’s it…I’m coming next Wednesday. I’ve been meaning to try this out for months, and definitely need more of this in my life, soooooo sold. See you on Wednesday!
Love this post! And love that we have the same lulu bag (although mine doesn’t have a little stick of sunshine happiness in it). Thank you for the reminder that while Crohn’s may kick us down, we will kick back. After a three year fight and recovery to the havoc Remicade caused on my body, I am finally getting my body, inside and out, back to what it used to be. I am ecstatic about it!
So…do they give you the meth at the November Project “workouts” or is that extra? Because reading this was a little like listening to one of the meth heads in Jesse’s party house talking about life and existence and aliens and stuff.
🙂
This post is exactly what I needed to read today! All of your posts about November Project make me want to give it a try but I have to admit, I’m a wee bit intimidated by all you amazing people!
Don’t be. Really and truly. Something to remember, and that I tell people all the time: Everyone was a first-timer once. Everyone started at some point. There are so many new people at EVERY workout. It’s the best part.
I came to November Project on Wednesday… mainly because of your glowing reviews! Tried to catch you to introduce myself but you were way too fast 🙂
Whaaaaat?! I can’t believe I missed you! HUNT ME DOWN NEXT TIME! Are you going to come again? I sure hope so.
YES! I’ll be there next Wednesday. I’ll find you in the least-creepy-I-know-you-from-the-Internet way possible!
SO happy things are going so well!!!!
1-Jealous that you go to NP…there isn’t one anywhere near me and I inquired about starting one but they aren’t starting anymore right now.
2-Inspired
3-Silly
haha this post made me so happy — your joy is infectious. love the Christopher Walken part. 🙂 this NP group sounds amazing! can people just show up and join workouts at any time? bc i kinda love how you love it so much and feel like i need to try this! congrats on your positivity award — you def are doing a good job of appreciating it and living up to it. hmmmm 3 emotions?! i think i’m the opposite of your friend and think there are, like, 24252 gazillion emotions you can experience at any given time…so let’s go for grateful, energized and hopeful, right now. yee haw.
Yes, their whole tagline is “just show up.” They hashtag it naaaaturally, so #justshowup. You don’t have to RSVP or sign up or pay. You literally just show up and start hugging people and basking in the friendlyness.
I think you’re referring to Fatboy Slim. I’m now going to go back and read the rest of your post.
YES. That sounds right. Good call. You’re smart. Pop culture.
WHY is the closest NP workout 30 minutes from me?! (Which is not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but is when it means I would need to wake up in, like, the middle of the night to get there on time).
Seriously though, this is just awesome. I have not been feeling very positive lately, and this was a nice little reminder that a shift in my attitude is going to pay off big time.
30 minutes is nothin’, woman. Try it out. Worth it once you get there, I’m guessing. The 4 AM wakeup isn’t as bad as it sounds! (And sending some love and hugs and s’mores, hoping you start feeling better. xoxo.)
1. Positive (love the optimism!)
2. Excited that you are feeling so positive!
3. Forward-looking (is that an emotion?)
Well I’m far too overwhelmed by all the glitter talk to come up with three feelings. But I did smile and laugh through this whole thing and think YEAH IF SHE CAN DO ALL THAT I CAN PROBABLY HANDLE THURSDAY WITHOUT CRYING! Good stuff.
Haha this made me smile and do a real-life LOL. Impressive. I hope you get through today without crying and if you do think you might cry then you should listen to 2000s-era Britney and try to recreate the classic “Oops! I Did It Again” video. Red pleather jumpsuit NOT optional. Mandatory. <3
Good to hear you are getting to your happy positive place.
1.) inspired, 2.) glowing, 3.) boundless 🙂
Optimistic, smitten and proud!!! The first two are about a boy. 8 dates into it and I am growing fonder and fonder. He could be a keeper.
Proud….completing my first triathlon on a whim (also known as a challenge) and conquered my fear of swimming in the ocean. Even if I was doing the doggie paddle. Lol.
Sounds like NP has been better than any drug out there. Plus I am giddy for you about the jackrabbit job. Keep on buzzing around. 🙂
Eeeeeeee I love the part about the optimism and the smitten-ness 🙂 🙂 🙂 And LOVE LOVE LOVE the proud part! CONGRATULATIONS on your first tri — how awesome! Keep on celebrating, girl.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS! <–also, those are emotions!
So, I do not have Crohn's, but I do have a chronic form of anemia that doesn't always make me feel so awesome or have loads of endurance, which makes me 1 billion percent relate to what you said about appreciating the good workouts/times because of the crappier ones. TOTES. It makes every half marathon and long run and even taking the stairs so extremely valuable and important.
ps. I want to finally try NP here in San Diego next week!
pps. Have you ever done Orange Theory? I tried for the first time a couple weeks ago and loved it!
Yes, try it in San Diego! And report back, please! And then I will fly out there and do it with you? We can have a sleepover. I will make pancakes. From a box. Please provide eggs and chocolate chips. And I haven’t done Orange Theory, but a kickass woman I follow on Instagram recently started trying it out, which piqued my interest. I’ll have to do some investigating!
Sooo, I’m going TOMORROW and I’m excited and desperately need to restock my neon fitness clothes stash it seems like from stalking the SD chapter’s Facebook Page. I’ll let you know how it goes!
ps. PANCAKES YES = ALWAYS.
Three feelings, seriously? In the whole world? I have at least three feelings about November Project, which I have never even been to:
1) Freudenfreude. I just made that up now. It is being happy for someone else’s happiness, which is what this post made me feel for you.
2) Excitement. Finally November Project comes to the UWS! There is no way I am going to run all the way across town at that hour of the morning, do a workout, run back, and then drag myself into the office, because I am lazy. But I saw on the website (which I have been semi-stalking since I saw the RW article) that Friday’s workout is basically at my front door, so I am finally going to see what it’s all about.
3) Apprehension. I am not what you would call an elite athlete. I can just about run a single 10-minute mile. I can do maybe five pushups. Am I going to survive this workout?
4) Preemptive embarrassment. So many photos and blogs and tweets about this workout… are there going to be pictures somewhere of me, lying on the ground after collapsing from plank position, with a bright red face and bloody knees?
4) More excitement. I will not collapse! I will survive! I will become strong!
Also, I will learn to count to 5.
Everything about this made me laugh. I think we would be GREAT in-real-life friends. And yeah, sorry about any confusion — Friday is “underneath the Williamsburg Bridge,” which does not seem like a sketchy place at all to go meet a bunch of strangers at sunrise. DON’T TELL MY MOM. As for the apprehension, I totally get it, because I felt the same way before my first workout. But I promise you 100% that every athletic ability is covered and welcomed. There are really incredible athletes who are competitive (with themselves, not with other happy NP people) and race frequently, there are tons of middle-of-the-packers, there are people who are really intense about the workouts, and people who take them more casually. There are people there who are doing their first workouts back from whatever (illness, injury, etc.), people looking to start getting in shape, etc. You get it. And there’s no such thing as being “the slowest” or anything like that, because the workouts aren’t designed that way. Great, SEE YOU SOON.
See? I am too much of a spazz to even figure out where the workouts are! … now I am following them on twitter so someday soonish I can make this happen.
wait?? this friday’s is on the UWS? I didnt’ see that! Where on the UWS??
No, last Friday was UWS! This Friday is “underneath the Williamsburg Bridge,” i.e. a safe place to meet strangers in the dark. DON’T BE AFRAID.
hahaha got it. slash eeks.
I am so happy for you!!!!! I hope you can keep these good feelings as long as possible!
FINE, ALI! I will go to November Project on Friday. You didn’t have to subtweet a whole freaking post at me, with months of photos. I will set my alarm. Gosh!
Hahaha I love this. And YAY!!! Can’t wait to have you!
Relaxed
Sleepy
Overjoyed that you are feeling so sunshiney good!