It’s been getting pretty heavy up in here for, oh, most of 2013.
So today, how about a break from that? Because frankly, I’m tired of writing about my feelings and about what I do behind closed doors in the bathroom.
Instead of a novel about how I appear to be in full-on flare-up mode again, or about how I feel wildly unprepared in any way to attempt to run the New York City Marathon in 18 days…
…I’ll instead provide you with 20 Facts You Never Knew About Me. In case that sort of thing interests you.
1. I am completely disgusted and horrified by baby powder and bar soap. The smell of baby powder makes me nauseous and I don’t know what the deal is with bar soap, but I’m repulsed by it. I am also creeped out by rubber gloves.
2. My favorite game to play with people, especially people I’ve just met, is “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?” My answer is usually macaroni and cheese. Sometimes I go with pizza. Other times I’m in a chocolate souffle kinda mood.
3. Beyond that, I am obsessed with learning peoples’ life stories. I find it fascinating to learn how people got to where they are today.
4. Reading the phrase “holy yum” is enough to make me go mad.
5. Every time I spell “entrepreneurial” correctly on the first try, I feel a surge of pride. And I don’t mean to brag (yes, I do, actually), but I always get this one right.
6. In sixth grade, I made it to the state-level spelling bee in New Hampshire, which was obviously a huge deal. I was the second person called up to spell a word, and thus became the first person of the entire bee to be eliminated.
To this day, my deepest-darkest secret is the word I spelled incorrectly to get the boot. Becky Barker, this secret goes to the grave.
7. A not-so-secret fact about me is that I was a store model for Limited Too at the Steeplegate Mall in Concord, NH.
My BFF Becky and I did it together — because we did everything together — and we liked to stand really still in the windows, like mannequins, and then jump out at people and try to scare them as they walked by. I’ve always been very mature.
8. One of my greatest pet peeves is people who question elevators. Like when you’re going down, and it stops at a certain floor, and the person waiting on that floor looks at all the people packed on the elevator and asks, “Is this going down?” Hey lady, see the giant flashing green neon arrow pointing down that lit up when the elevator stopped for you? Yup, a down arrow means down. Idiots. Elevators are not difficult. Get on, face the door and be quiet.
9. I love spoilers. I don’t like suspense. I always read the back page of magazines first.
I sometimes read show recaps before I watch the actual episode, too. Go ahead and hate me for this one (Brian is furious about it): I watched three episodes of “Breaking Bad,” then read this, then watched the series finale live, and now I’m continuing to get through the show from the beginning. I like knowing how things are going to turn out so I’m not so stressed during every shootout.
10. I have never colored my hair or cut it any cool way. And yet sometimes I spend hours giving myself online makeovers, “just to see.”
11. Babies with pierced ears. No.
12. I can’t stand those “said no one ever” quotes people are always posting on Facebook. Maybe people do regret their workouts sometimes. I once went running on what I knew was a busted shin-thing, and I regretted that run, because the pain was so much worse afterward.
13. I usually prefer the cake to the frosting and the cookie to the cream.
14. The word “epic” makes me cringe. Because if everything is epic, then nothing is epic.
15. I love reckless cab drivers. Hit 60 mph going up Madison Avenue to get me home a few minutes earlier, and you’ve just boosted your tip by at least $2. The number of red lights you run is directly proportional to the size of your tip. Go loco, cabbie. You rock. Just don’t hit a cyclist, please.
16. I am not someone who looks like any celebrity, in my opinion. One time, a cab driver told me I looked like a hybrid of Jodie Foster and Dakota Fanning. A few people last year also told me I looked like some chick from “The Bachelor.”
17. I have never, and will never, watch “The Bachelor.”
18. The TV characters I relate to most are Claire Dunphy from “Modern Family” and Monica from “Friends.” They’re both really uptight. How charming.
19. I prefer sitting on the floor. As much as I love my new couch, I still find myself eating most of my meals on the comfort of my apartment’s wooden floor.
20. If I say, “I’m fine,” I’m definitely not fine.
NOW, SINCE I SAID IT’S MY FAVORITE GAME, YOU HAVE TO PLAY, TOO: If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?