Change In Plans

Two years ago, on a Friday night, I ate a piece of fish and a big bowl of corn.

The next morning, I woke up brutally early and made the trip out to Brooklyn to run the Brooklyn Half Marathon. It wasn’t a goal race for me, but I had just started training for my first marathon with Coach Cane so I wanted to do well and show him I was a decent runner who could negative split [insert applicable “LOL” here].

I hope Coach Cane never sees this photo and my "iPod arms." Silly young Ali, carrying her phone in her hand during a race.
I hope Coach Cane never sees this photo and my “iPod arms.” Silly young Ali, carrying her phone in her hand during a race.

The race did not, in fact, go well.

I had gone to the bathroom my usual 900 times at home, and when I got to the start area I hopped in one of the notoriously long porta-potty lines. I needed to…do stuff…before there was any way I was running 13.1 miles out to Coney Island. My stomach just felt off.

I got to the front of the line, bolted into the stall and, much to my dismay, found there was no toilet paper. Rather than hop back out and wait for a more suitable porta-potty, I just didn’t go. With a bubble in my stomach, I moved into my start corral hoping for the best.

What a terrible idea.

The race started and I went out fast — too fast for me, but I was loving the speed on the rolling hills in Prospect Park — all the while I knew something was off in my insides.

By the time I finished the second loop of Prospect Park, I was desperate for a porta-potty. I had never stopped to use a bathroom during a race before but knew my time had come.

I made my first urgent stop just outside the park, followed by several more. It was hot, I was sweating and I was panicking because my stomach was in such distress mid-race and I’d never had that happen before.

I finished the race in 1:52:14 — not bad considering the uh, issues — and swore I would never eat corn again (and I haven’t).

What I wouldn't give to sweat like that again...and not because I have a fever. Because I ran 13.1 miles.
What I wouldn’t give to sweat like that again…and not because I have a fever. Because I ran 13.1 miles.

I didn’t have time to celebrate my survival. I was immediately on a subway back to Manhattan where I showered and then got in a cab up to Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx for a day of commercial shooting with the JackRabbit crew.

I was so tired, but shooting was fun. I loved being a part of Run for the Rabbit and getting to know everyone involved.

Three of the Rabbits with our oh-so-patient coach.
Three of the Rabbits with our oh-so-patient coach.

As the shoot wrapped and we all walked back to our cars, I started talking to the hot guy who was in charge.

It turned out, he lived in my neighborhood. We shared our favorite restaurants and bars and then we went our separate ways. Until a few hours later, when some semi-drunk Facebook message flirting got us on our first little date.

“He” was Brian. You know that already.

Earlier this winter, I signed up for the Brooklyn Half Marathon again. I was sick at the time, but I figured it would pass like it always did and I could get revenge on that Course to Coney Island. I never once thought I wouldn’t be able to run the race.

Plus, the timing was going to be great.

I’d have a good race this time, whether I could train for a PR or not, and then Brian and I had big plans: a trip to Hawaii.

Two of his friends are getting married in Hawaii, so we decided to make a vacation out of it. Plus, it would coincide with our two-year anniversary, and while neither of us are anniversary-celebrators, it was still sort of cool.

Well you probably know what happens now.

I’m not running the Brooklyn Half Marathon tomorrow.

I’m bummed, but I can get over it. It’s a race and there will be more races.

But on Monday at 10 AM, I’m supposed to board a 14-hour flight to Hawaii. I’m supposed to go to this magical place where we would hike and bike and do all sorts of fun, active, exciting things.

I bought new bathing suits, books for the plane ride, a pair of shorts with polka-dots on them and a sundress to wear out to dinner one night. I even got a new suitcase for my birthday to stuff full of Hawaii-appropriate shoes.

It's the most beautiful suitcase I've ever seen in my favorite obnoxiously-bright orange color. And yet...I haven't removed the tags.
It’s the most beautiful suitcase I’ve ever seen in my favorite obnoxiously-bright orange color. And yet…I haven’t removed the tags.

I don’t think that suitcase is going to get filled this weekend.

I’m in complete denial about this trip.

I can’t believe I’m probably not going to be able to go to Hawaii — a place I’ve wanted to go my whole life — because of Crohn’s disease. I’m in too much pain, and 14 hours is a long time to sit on a plane. Plus, even if I made it to the pretty islands, I wouldn’t be able to do much once I got there. That’s not the kind of trip I want.

I always bragged that I had this disease but it didn’t take over my life. I could still run! I could spin! I could go out with friends and I could mostly eat whatever I wanted! Except corn.

But now, Crohn’s disease is my life.

It’s keeping me confined to the couch and the bathroom, and there’s a 90% chance I’m not going to Hawaii on Monday.

I’ve tried to do everything right. The doctor said, “The Humira doesn’t seem to be working, so let’s get a second opinion,” and I called for the second opinion. Unsurprisingly, it’s impossible to get an appointment and I’m jumping through all the hoops I can find to make it happen.

I’ve been back to the acupuncturist and I’ve started on the Chinese herbs she concocted for me.

The herbal pills are pretty and they smell good. Now I just need them to do something.
The herbal pills are pretty and they smell good. Now I just need them to do something.

I take 15 pills a day, on top of the Tylenol I take for the unpredictable fevers (still happening) and the sleeping pills I take so I can get a few minutes of sleep between the night sweats (definitely still happening, and last night was disgusting).

This is how I sleep. On towels. It's fancy and smart.
This is how I sleep. On towels. It’s fancy and smart.

I haven’t wanted to write much lately because I’m not in a good place to be sharing how I feel with the world. I’m usually all about opening up, and I’m happy to tell you about my symptoms. We can be as graphic as you’d like.

Mentally, though, I’m struggling. And I fear how much worse that could get when Brian gets on a plane to Hawaii by himself on Monday and I stay here, alone, on the Worst Couch Ever.

I used to love planning fun things, and now I can’t plan my afternoon, let alone a tropical vacation. It’s a different lifestyle than I’m used to and it’s not one I want to become used to.

Some days I think I’ll wake up and this will have all been a dream. I still hope for that.

They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I don’t believe that right now. I’ve never felt weaker.

And I’ve never been more desperate for an escape to somewhere wonderful.



75 Responses

  1. I love the honesty and the rawness you bring into your blog. I hope I can say something that would somehow ease your struggle. I hope for you and for the other sufferers of CD that cure be found soon. Stay awesome.

  2. Feel better*, Ali. You’re blog is my favorite.

    *I know words don’t help. Sincerely wish there was somthing anyone could do to help you feel better.

  3. my heart aches for you, maybe because i know what you mean. I don’t have chron’s, but have some ongoing sucktastic stomach issues which we think are from a parasite. Honestly it’s one thing to get used to feeling bad, but it’s almost entirely worse to feel great and then bam out of no where bad.

    I’ve seen your journey and KNOW you will have another chance at Hawaii when the time is right.

  4. That was quite a hilarious experience you have back there. If that same situation happened to me, I’m afraid I won’t be able to finish the race and get humiliated after. But then you did! So, congratulations for a job well done! Hope you could have a perfect tropical vacation that you’ve been dreaming of.

  5. I would like to congratulate you on finishing the half marathon despite not feeling well. You are a brave women with such a positive attitude and you are setting a good example for the rest of us. I am sending you light and healing and I hope you feel better. Great blog, I will check back to see your new updates.

  6. Fellow IBD sufferer. I keep hoping to see a new post saying that you made the trip, but I would completely understand if you didn’t. Peace of mind (and body) is needed during a flare its its hard to know if a trip will bring rest or stress. Either way, I hope you find some healing soon.

  7. Ali, I have been thinking about you lately and am so sad that the meds are not kicking in quickly. I challenge you though to not only get on the plane for the trip but have Brian get that bike back down and ride it (I mean that in the nicest way). Ride it for no other reason that you freakin HATE your coach! You need those endorphins in you! It’s tough for an athlete like you to ride at a slow pace or take it easy but it will probably lift your spirit. Plus, think of all those cool apps you can try out for us where you are biking Tour de France or something (lol). Or see how many episodes of Boy Meets World or Full House you can watch without having to get off the stationary bike, I’d love to hear!

  8. I understand. I’ve been hospitalized twice for my Crohns flare up in the last two months. I have had so much badness happen cause of crohns. It takes over your life. Its awful

  9. I’m sure you’re sick of the “I’m so sorry hon,” but I totally get it – was there for almost 2 years… a change of scenery (even if it’s a different bathroom and sheets) might do you some good. I know you’re anti-topical, but I really believe that’s what turned my urgency around. That (besides the pain) was the worst part for me, and healing on the spot was necessary before my remi-imuran-prednisone cocktail helped at all. Hope whatever you decide, you feel the huge hugs and love coming your way.

  10. Please go to Hawaii. I know it might be rough at times, but I think not going will be worse.

    Still praying for you every day. Big hugs to you!

  11. It’s Monday morning and I’m finally getting around to reading this post. I really hope and pray something fabulous happened this past weekend and you are getting ready to board a plane to Hawaii with Brian. Fingers crossed for you.

  12. Hi Ali,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. I’m a fellow crohnie and I know exactly where you’re at and how you must be feeling. As you, I was very ill as well for quite a few years. Struggling to keep afloat, but constantly losing the battle. Watching my life pass by whilst laying on the sofa watching tv-series whilst rushing to the bathroom every five minutes. Having life drained out of me until there was very little left of me. I finally ended up having multiple surgeries (partial colectomy with a temporary stoma, then reversal of the stoma, then finally a permanent stoma). Today I’m quite well without medication, but obviously the inflammation could come back at any time. I changed my lifestyle and I hope if I ever become ill again I will prioritise differently. I realised that I can’t live a life at full speed and I didn’t want a job that took all my energy leaving none for friends and family. I guess my life fell apart quite a few times and becoming mentally well again is a constant work in progress. I wanted to say that I’m cheering for you and that you’re in my thoughts. I think you’re doing a damn good job fighting and I hope your doctor will find some meds that’ll work for you. I owe my remission to the medicle miracle of surgery. It might not be an option for you, but if it is it might be worth checking up on. I know it’s scary and it took me a long time before I would even consider it. Hugs/Maria

  13. Hang in there girl. There isn’t much I can’t say that wont sound trite, but hang in there. I will run for you in Chicago with Team Challenge on June 8th. Know that we will all be running for you.

  14. Oh, Ali- I, like everyone else here, just wish I could help somehow…I would send Celine Dion to your apartment….with a puppy….and Tyler. Hugs and prayers to you friend!

  15. been reading your blog for a while, and even though I don’t have chron’s/colitis….I feel for you.
    being sick sucks, and I hope you can get back to ‘your happy place’ soon. being sick on your sofa isn’t good.
    Big hugs and positive thoughts from florida

  16. I am so sorry Ali. You’ve been such an inspiration since I started reading your blog a long time ago, and you continue to be. Every time I see a new post in my reader, I hope it’s the one saying you’re feeling better. I just want you to be better. I wish there was something any of us could do. Until then, do whatever you need to do to make it through each day. I’ll continue looking forward to the post that shares your good news of actually feeling better.

  17. Also, sorry I wrote that in a hurry because I was rushing to work! I don’t want to assume you would have the same experience and I definitely don’t want to be a buzz kill. You deserve an amazing vacation!! It just seems irresponsible not to share the realities of what can happen. That being said, I’m an optimist and I believe that things work out for a reason…. Here’s hoping you feel better soon!

  18. Hi. I have ready out blog for years. i love it and your openness. I know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better or make things any easier. I am thinking of you during this difficult time and pray that it gets better soon for you. Take care xx

  19. Aw Ali! I COMPLETELY empathize… Which island are you planning to go to? I had a Crohns related experience (to say the least ) on the flight from Hawaii to the mainland. I was going for my friends wedding (which I was supposed to be in). The surgeon at the hospital believes my intestine ruptured at some point during the flight, resulting in so much pain that I ended up curled up in a ball on the floor of the extended leg room sections of seating. I didn’t know it was THAT serious (I was used to pain ) and ended up septic and in the ER and had an emergency surgery. I completely missed the wedding and was in the hospital for a week. Thankfully I was in a location with excellent medical care and in good hands. I started my blog the day i flew back home. I don’t want to freak you out and it’s totally up to you whether you make the trip…: but it’s your LIFE you’re talking about. Hawaii will always be here. Always. I see people’s comments about going and taking the risk. I chose to risk it and it worked out, but my friends and family were there to help me through it. If you decide to come, make sure you purchase travel insurance on your ticket (I didn’t and changing our flights cost an extra $1400) and bring your insurance card and even your medical records. Prayers and well wishes to you! Please keep us posted about your plans. You will beat this and you WILL grace Hawaii with your presence…. If you ever make it to the BIg Island, I know a kick ass guide! If you have any questions… I’m here!

  20. Hi Ali,
    I’m so sorry you’re still sick. I’ve read a lot of the posts telling you to go and I feel like I’m going to be the one Debbie Downer saying maybe you are right to not go…Now, this is just my experience, but I go to Hawaii every year (from the east coast). I also have UC. I don’t know if it is the stress of travel, the altitude and long plane ride or the fact that I eat raw tuna for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 12 days straight, but on my last two trips I came home with the nastiest of flares. So much so that last year my parents forbid me to go even though I am 37 years old. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is, Hawaii is my favorite place on earth. it is the best place on earth. But when you go there when you are sick you just feel very far away and when you are sick and are very far away, it can be a very unsettling feeling. It is also not just a 14 hour plane ride. We time it and door to door travel is closer to 24 hours (at least when you island hop to Kauai). I think it would be great for you to sit on a beautiful beach and relax and maybe you would feel better. If you go when you are sick and have negative experiences, will you want to go back? I’d want someone to see Hawaii when they are healthy, so the experiences will all be great, not so you can watch other people having fun while you feel terrible.
    Good luck with your decision. I will say, the doctors (at least on Kauai) are HOT. I mean, blond surfer dudes who are also doctors – who are just the type of doctor you want to talk to when discussing IBD issues right?!
    Feel better Ai, you’re an inspiration to us all.

  21. That is such a horrible bummer but you are still such a huge inspiration! Have any of your docs ever recommended going to a Registered Dietitian–not the ‘nutritionist’ at GNC or other ‘health food stores’?
    I’m one and I have attached the link to the dietitians in NYC area that might be able to help you. Judging by your symptoms I think your GI could use a bit of rest, since the rest of you doesn’t seem to be getting any rest either 🙁 (, from there you can find someone that specializes in Crohn’s to help with treating flare ups and prevention. I work as one in Ohio and have several Crohn’s patients I keep tabs on and work with their gastroenterologist and medical team.

  22. I’m not an expert (or at all experienced with) colitis/chrohn’s/etc. But I would say…if you think there’s any way that you can navigate the airport and flight (especially if you don’t have a layover), then GO. You already have the ticket and hotel. Let go of what you were “supposed” to be doing in Hawaii, and at least go lay somewhere that’s sunny, and tropical, and is ANYWHERE OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT. [Remember that you’ve already survived at least 2 or 3 flights you said you “wouldn’t be able to do” while really sick already.]

    The hotel pool can’t be TOO many steps from the nearest bathroom, can it? If it is, then at least there’s a balcony. Watch some beautiful scenery instead of the TV for a tiny while. Venture out far enough to stick your feet in the sand (even if it’s only six steps from the hotel.) Maybe it won’t be the trip you dreamed about, but it will be a change of scenery and pace – and honey, it certainly sounds like you could use THAT. Plus, you can call room service, ask for 10 extra towels every afternoon, sweat in them through the night, and let SOMEONE ELSE WASH THEM. EVERY DAY. Brilliant!

    And if it seems like you really can’t go, call up a few friends (preferably those with a puppy) and ask them to come over. You may feel like you want to be a hermit, but your friends want to help, really – they do, I promise. And they can help keep you distracted while Brian is away. In fact, line up one for every night of the week. Just for an hour or two. Play a game, or have them bring puppies, or babies, or baby chicks, or funny YouTube videos, or whatever. They’ll be happy to help (and won’t mind if you have to run to the bathroom, I also promise this), glad to see you, and represent a little change of pace.

    And hang in there. As gross as it sounds, I’m sending soothing bowel thoughts your way. [<—Things I never thought I'd type.]

  23. I’m relatively new to your blog but am riveted to your story. I check back constantly for updates and am anxiously awaiting the good news. That you are feeling better. I feel like you’re my kid. Your poor family. And Brian, too.

    Feel better. People everywhere are rooting for you.

  24. I say GO!! Do what you have too for the plane trip. And I agree even if you can’t do much even laying by the pool would be better than the couch in the apt.

  25. I read your blog entry this afternoon….and then i spent the rest of the day and evening thinking about you. I really don’t know what to say. I just can’t imagine you not going to Hawaii. And I just can’t imagine any human being having to endure the ordeal of what you’ve been going through for so long. Just know that your well-being, health and happiness is something that i will pray for. So yes, you have complete strangers praying for you.

  26. Have you ever heard of a fecal transplant? A friend of mine had it after dealing w colitis and cdiff. Not sure if it’s appropriate in your case but it was on dr oz today and made me think of it

  27. Ali, just think if you do go though, you could lay on the beach instead of the couch. Maybe the change of scenery would help.

    If you decide to stay home, though, why don’t you let some of your friends know you’d like company? Even if you aren’t up to chatting or being very social, it might be nice to have someone to sit and watch a movie with you. I hate the thought of you stuck there by yourself.

  28. Oh, honey, so, so sorry you’re still feeling so crappy (no pun, or okay, maybe a small pun). I’m with everyone else: Try like heck to get on that plane. Sit in the back next to the bathroom. If you have to stay in the bathroom most of the flight, so be it. But it you can’t make it, don’t fret. Hawaii isn’t going anywhere.
    Lots of warm hugs,

  29. oh my friend, I am so so sorry that things are still going to roughly for you with your health and now you may not get to go to Hawaii either. Sending you some strength and silver lining that you get to go to Hawaii…when you are better and can fully enjoy all of it. XOXO

  30. Ali, I’m pretty sure this I the worst it’ll ever be, so hang in there. Your whole life you’ll be able to say, “See, I got through this. I can get through ANYTHING life throws at me!” You’ll get to go to Hawaii one day and it will be just as amazing….and hopefully you can sneak off to somewhere close by soon that’s still warm and relaxing (Hamptons?)…you totally deserve a vacation right now.

  31. I agree with so many others…GET ON THAT PLANE!! What better place to rest and recuperate? I pray for a miracle in your health this weekend. I love your bright orange suitcase:)

  32. I am absolutely gutted for you. I went to Hawaii a couple years back but we had to cancel a lot of our amazing plans (stargazing, helicopter ride over the volcanoes, etc) because my other half came down ill. We decided we’d just have to go back! If you can make it out there just soak up how amazingly wonderful and chilled out it is out there and make mental notes of all of the things you’ll do NEXT time you go out there.

    You’re such an inspiration though – I’ve been diagnosed with IBD (probably crohns colitis) and currently trying to find a medication that works and trying to keep going as much as possible with work and horse riding and running, but some days/weeks it kicks my ass. I’ve got my sights on doing the London Marathon next year as well as planning a mega trip to Missouri for Thanksgiving this year to visit family that I’ve not seen in 23 years and I wont lie, making such long-distance plans is a bit nerve-racking because I have no idea if I’ll be well or not by the time they come around, but I guess you just have to take the plunge and hope for the best.

    Sending lots of good wishes your way.

  33. GET ON THE PLANE!!!!

    The anxiety of getting on a 14 hour flight alone is enough to set your Crohn’s into full flare (not that it isn’t already) but trust me…the trip will be well worth it and will make you feel better! Sun and relaxation are key to feeling better and pushing this terrible disease back down where it belongs. 3 1/2 years ago I ended up having surgery and truly thought it would end me. Don’t get me wrong, the surgery wasn’t bad, I was in and out of the hospital but I was sure the recovery and completely learning how to eat and LIVE again would consume me. I decided that my entire recovery time (supposed to be spend laying around on pain meds) would be laying around in the sun on my back porch. Sure I had to lay under a blanket (it was March) but at least I could see nature, feel the wind and see the sun.
    I think a trip to a beautiful place (and trust me, it is beautiful) is just what you need! So you may not be able to do all that most travelers would like but at least you’ll get a new view on things!

  34. Bleck, this is sucky! It’s always a downer to cancel on holiday plans. You might need to create “holiday-like situations” in your apartment. Maybe a veg juice with an umbrella, pop in some Gidget movies and have a friend come over to hula-hoop ridiculously in your living room. Laughter can help! You are definitely an inspiration, so keep on blogging because I can’t wait to read about when you get better. Also, as someone with moderate-to-severe Crohn’s as well, I’m curious how the acupuncture works for you. (AND much like Hazel, I’m running with Team Challenge in the Napa to Sonoma Wine Country Half Marathon to raise money for CCFA. You definitely inspired me to do it!!

  35. Hi Ali. I don’t have Crohn’s but I have suffered with GI issues since age 30. I was having a good winter and decided to sign up for Fargo Marathon. That’s tomorrow. Yesterday, I had a “flare up.” Today has been a good day and I am hoping that my stomach will let me race tomorrow. I am trained for it, ready to run it mentally but this stomach has a mind of its own. I know you feel down but I can tell you, reading your weekly posts keeps me going. I hope your stomach clears and you get your trip to Hawaii.

  36. Oh Ali, I really don’t know WHAT to say because I know there really are no words that will make you feel better but just know that I am thinking of you and sending good vibes/prayer your way. I am so hopeful that your doctors will figure this thing out, and soon. One of my closest friends battled Crohns for years and it completely turned her life upside down. She finally had the surgery to remove the portion of her colon that was so diseased and it wound up changing her life entirely. It was a pretty long and intense process but once she got past that and on the other side of it, her life was much improved to say the least. I’m not sure if this is an option for you and obviously you don’t have to share all of that with me on this blog but I just thought I’d share why your story totally strikes home for me. Hang in there. xo

  37. I agree Ali, get on that plane. Yes the plane ride might be horrible but could it be any more horrible than sitting in your apartment wishing you were in Hawaii? So you can’t go hiking or surfing, who cares. Find yourself a nice lounge chair by the pool that is within running distance to a bathroom. The fresh air, sun, and gorgeous views might not heal you physically but they could mend you mentally.

  38. Boy, that sucks. It’s like you are trying everything and nothing is working. There must be some expert somwhere that could cure you, isn’t there one? Who do we need to call? Ghostbusters?

    This bothers me so much because I started running because of you. When I saw your real struggles training for your first marathon, I said “well, I guess normal people can do this too, and not just athletes…” and laced up my shoes and ran those sweaty, super fast 2 miles at an 11min pace. Yeap, that’s motivation right there.

    Fast forward two years (including a pregnancy and delivery in between) and I’m about to run my first 1/2 marathon, the BK half. It hasn’t been easy getting here, now mostly a logistical challenge than a physical one, but you helped me get here without knowing it. The other day training in Van Cortlandt Park I saw Coach Cane, plus wife plus the mini-Coach and thought “wow, that’s Ali’s Coach!”. And, of course, kept on running. I might have straightened my stride in case he was looking (but he wasn’t, which is totally cool. Maybe next time, Coach.)

    All that to say that if you need to find strenght from somwhere, here is a source. You have been an inspiration to many and that inspiration has garnered you a huge crowd of peeps who are rooting for you through these rough times. Brooklyn will always be there for when you are ready. And we’ll be happily in stand-by to cheer you on when that day comes. Un abrazo, Ali!

    1. Don’t be shy Melo. Say hi next time. BTW, Mrs. Coach Cane was home, so you saw me talking to a runner friend, but it was definitely Simon and me.

      Good luck at the race tomorrow, and thanks for supporting Ali.

      1. Whoa!!! Hi Coach! Yes, will definetly say hi next time, especially if I see Simon. He is adorable!

        And thanks – Brooklyn should be tons of fun for a first half-marathon, especially with the mini-Melo cheering on from the sidelines. 🙂

  39. Hey Ali — as devasting as this is, I’m agreeing with everyone above. GET ON THAT PLANE. You’ll be amazed when you get there. Have your Dr. send you a contact there just in case anything happens (which it won’t).

    And also, I’m running in the BK Half tomorrow. It’s my first half. I’m anxious-nervous-excited but know that I will be running for you and thinking of you! And I’ll be running with my phone in my hand because, hey, I’m a beginner, like you were. Wishing you all the luck and prayers in the world to feel like yourself again. You are such an inspiration to se many people.

    Get on the plane.


  40. I just hate that you are going through this. It makes me want to cry with you through this. There are no words and I understand that. You are stronger than you know! It will get better. Thoughts and prayers for you!

  41. Hey Ali, my heart bleeds for you..I’m training for CCFA half marathon and you are my biggest inspiration for fundraising. I’ve been thinking of your condition and while I dont have Crohn’s i’ve definitely been experiencing ‘runny bowel syndrome’ lately, which I put down to the fact that I am very stressed at the moment. So, I know you are on a million pills but maybe some anti-anxiety meds would help? Just a thought. Hawaii might be the equivalent of the pills tho! I know you must be terrified of the journey 🙁 you are coping as well as can be expected so dont feel bad for not being bright and cheery right now. take care

  42. I can’t pretend I know what you’re going through, but your post brought me to tears in my office. You may not feel very inspiring right now, but in the 2+ years I’ve been reading your blog, you’ve inspired me to a) be a little more thankful for what I have especially on Thursdays, b) start my own blog, and c) buy cuter running clothes (I mean… what?) Here’s to hoping you feel better soon.

  43. Ali this just sucks! I want you to get on that plane though. Go to Hawaii. I’m headed to NYC today to run the Brooklyn Half. Guess what I’m going to be wearing?!? (Clothes! But specifically the I heart Sweat shirt). Will be thinking of you!

  44. Email me who you are trying to see…I’m can help with the hospital stuff and possibly get you in to see a doc sooner rather than later!

  45. I agree totally with Christina . Six yrs ago I spent a month in the hospital awaiting bowel surgery after having a hysterectomy 8 wks before. I was iv and liquids. My specialist could not operate until I was say I was in bad shape mentally and physically in an understatement . But every day they would unhook me and send me home for the afternoon to be with my family and get some sun. Dr. R said this was so beneficial to my getting better in all aspects. I have been where you are Ali……and I know you are scared…but get on that plane.. I have found that now that spring is here and I can get on my back deck and get a few rays that I am feeling so much better after a long long winter. Go on this trip ..even if it means that you don’t do anything …a change of scenery and climate might do your body and soul a world of good. Good luck honey…we are all praying for you

  46. This might sound crazy but try going to Hawaii. I’ve been on tropical vacations during a flare and I almost always got better. Maybe it’s the change in scenery, or warm weather, but if you’re going to be feeling sick, at least you can do it in the sun. You can also tell the flight attendants you have a medical problem that requires the use of restrooms often.

    Also is there a possibility your GI can prescribe you any pain meds? I’ve found that when I’m in less pain, the urgency diminishes some.

    Good luck! Sending you positive thoughts!

      1. I have to agree. I’ve been to Panama twice and Hawaii twice and something about the climate is fairly soothing on my CD.

    1. My mom has MS and she seems to have significantly fewer problems with dizzyness, numbness, etc. whenever she goes to Florida. Like everyone else, I have no idea why, but it might be worth a shot to go to Hawaii–even if you just sit on the balcony or whatever of your hotel room the whole week. You’d at least be in a pretty place. 🙂

  47. I wish there were a better answer – for all people whose happiness is sucked away by CD. I am so sorry Ali. I realize that probably made you “snort in derision” as Sheldon would say but I know full well no words can help – not even those meant to comfort.

  48. Hi Ali! I love your blog so much, I only found it a few months ago, but I think you’re an amazing woman and you are awesome for sharing and opening up like you do! It breaks my heart that you’ve been so sick and not able to feel like yourself. I’ll continue to send happy thoughts your way! Take care! <3

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about ali

I’m the creator of the Ali on the Run blog and the host of the Ali on the Run Show podcast. I’m also a freelance writer and editor, a race announcer, a runner and marathoner, a mom, and a huge fan of Peanut M&Ms, Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (way better than the first one!), and reliving my glory days as a competition dancer in the early 2000s. I’m really happy you’re here.
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