The food’ll come out…tomorrow!!!
Yes, I made it to Day 10 of the juice cleanse.
On that note alone, I think we can jump right into the recently-neglected Thankful Things Thursday.
I’m thankful I get to chew food tomorrow. Before you start thinking I did something impressive by surviving a 10-day juice cleanse, let me clear a few things up right away.
I cheated. On Day 3, I had a wedge of watermelon. On Day 5, I had a few bites of cantaloupe. Somewhere around Day 6 I stole a small (huge) spoonful of almond butter straight from the container…and proceeded to do that again on Days 8 and 9. So yes, I mostly juiced for 10 days, but I also cheated more than once. Whatever, I’m weak. And I hate almond butter now. Go figure.
I was a bitch. I was miserable for the duration of this cleanse. I was happiest when I was in Boston because I got to be around my friends…
…and my best friend.
But overall, cleansing plus Crohnsing has taken a major toll on my emotional stability. You know that term people use — “hangry” — when you’re so brutally starving that you’re angry? I typically get “hangry” if I have to go 30 minutes between meals. This time, I went 10 days, so imagine my hangriness by this point. I have been irritable, snappy and downright rude.
I hope that most of my relationships are still in tact, but I’ve done my best to generally avoid people. I’m not a pleasant person to interact with.
I don’t feel as “fixed” as I thought I would feel by Day 10. Yeah, that’s a bummer. Back in February, I took a hefty dose of antibiotics, hoping they would “fix” me.
Then I went on steroids, hoping, again, for “the great fix.”
It was, instead, a great failure.
Then, I checked into the hospital, doubled up on Remicade and was certain I’d be good to go within a few days.
Wrong again, naive Ali.
So then I resorted to this: a 10-day juice cleanse to give the digestive units a break. In my mind, doing this meant that by Day 10 I would feel incredible. My intestines would be de-flamed, I’d be bursting with energy and I’d definitely be running again! Optimism, baby! I was somehow still full of it.
Now here I am, about to start eating again (!!!), but still not feeling my healthiest. I’m still having unpredictable bathroom runs. I still panic when I leave my apartment. I’m still very weak and I definitely haven’t worked out in any way, shape or form of sweet sweat.
I find comfort in knowing that the juice cleanse didn’t make me worse. OK, emotionally it did. Emotionally I was on the ledge for a while. But physically, I don’t believe this could have done me any harm.
I’m thankful for Google Image searches. Or am I? I am actually not sure. But I spent hours this week looking at pictures of food. Mostly macaroni and cheese (Velveeta shells and cheese, specifically — leave me alone), eggs Benedict and Levain Bakery cookies.
Self-torture, I realize this. But I love food. And I’ve missed it so much. So I looked at pictures of it when I couldn’t actually have it or be physically tempted by it.
I should also note that, sadly, I won’t be eating any of those foods anytime soon.
The plan going forward isn’t to go back to my ways of the past. I’m not jumping off the cleanse and hopping into a bowl of Hollandaise. I’ll be easing back into things gently with a healthy, nutritious, clean diet.
And in the meantime, I’ll keep looking at pictures of this…
I’m thankful for last night’s awesome thunderstorm. I wasn’t digging the sunny weather. Sorry, people. But while you were all out prancing and playing and — booooo! — running in the good stuff, I was still sulking. The thunder, lightning and hefty-sized raindrops were way more my style and I welcomed them with an open umbrella.
I’m thankful for my incredible support system. There are a few people who have gone above and beyond for me recently, and I’m so deeply appreciative. There have been times in the past few days when I’ve wondered if I should talk to someone else…someone trained to talk to people who are going through a rough time. But truthfully, that’s not my style. I don’t want to talk to a stranger. Maybe someday, but for now I believe I can get through life on my own and with a few really great friends.
I’m thankful for my juicer. At this point, I hate that stupid device. But I can’t imagine doing a cleanse without it. So I guess that’s a love/hate relationship.
I’m thankful for “Boy Meets World.” I used to wake up with Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie. But then the “Today” show started reporting more on the Kardashians and whatever food trend Dr. Oz was hawking than actual news. And it turns out, “Boy Meets World” happens to air at the same time. So now I start my day with Cory, Shawn and Topanga and life is significantly better.
I’m thankful for the improvements I have noticed. Maybe my stomach isn’t fixed, but it’s not all bad. I wake up way before my alarm (which is set laughably late these days) and I’ve been getting tons of sleep. The apartment is clean (just don’t look in the kitchen sink, which is filled with stray spinach leaves and green-tinted wine glasses), the plants are watered and the DVR is empty. The night sweats are long gone and I haven’t had a fever in a while.
Honestly, I’m tapped out for today. That’s all I’ve got in me…a few thankful things and a whole lot of liquid.
It’s been a tough road to get to Day 10. I haven’t enjoyed this for a single minute and I’m so glad it’s over.
Cheers to the next step.
May the next step involve Velveeta…eventually.
YOU GO: What are you thankful for today? Gimme something good.