I know what you’ve been thinking lately:
“It’s about halfway through the year — I wonder how that Ali On The Run girl who always talks about Crohn’s and legwarmers is doing with her 2012 New Year’s Resolutions. It’s imperative to my own well-being that I know whether she’s crossed ‘take a knife skills class’ off her list yet!”
I know! I know that’s what you were thinking all week, in between planning your Fourth of July celebrations and figuring out whether or not you can get away with calling in “sick” to work on July 5th.
Well don’t worry. Here I am, to fill you in on my 2012 New Year’s Resolutions progress. Because it would just be rude of me to let you live in suspense.
And no, I haven’t taken that damn knife skills class yet. I think if, moving forward, I refer to it as a “Knife Skillz” class, I’ll be more inclined to sign up. The “z” adds a touch of badassery.
Many moons ago, on January 1, 2012, I sat down at my computer during a ride on the Hampton Jitney and had some thoughts. I thought, “Self, what would you like to accomplish this year? What goals do you want to set for yourself? How high into the sky do you plan to reach throughout the next 12 months?”
This little list was born from my brain. My resolutions — some of them, at least, and by that I mean “3:59:59 marathon” — are always in the back of my mind. I’ve achieved some so far. I’ve failed miserably at others. I realize I should have made “Eat the most Oreos ever” one of my resolutions, so I’d get an automatic A+, and I kind of wish I hadn’t made “Do a handstand” a personal goal. But you can’t change what exists on the Internet, because that stuff is permanent, so here’s my rundown of how 2012 has gone off so far:
1. Get a new doctor. Yeah, I totally did this… Haven’t you heard, I’m currently seeing Dr. Feller? She’s certified in Talking About Bathroom Stops While Running, and she has a Ph.D. in Bedazzling and Teen Magazine Writing. No? That doesn’t count? Dang it.
OK, so I haven’t done this yet. Blah blah blah. Stop getting angry with me, mom. I’ve researched, I swear. I’ve re-read the doctor recommendations — tons and tons of them — that nice people have sent me and I’ve saved them in a folder in my email appropriately titled “Doctors.” But I haven’t made the calls. I haven’t made the appointments. I haven’t scheduled sexy colonoscopy dates with eligible new doctor men. Or women.
I managed to ditch my last Crohn’s flare by de-stressing, changing my mindset and taking a little physical break.
I still get the Remicade IV infusion every 7–8 weeks, and that’s great. But no, I have not yet accomplished my dumb resolution of finding someone new to attempt to prescribe me drugs. I want to see a doctor who doesn’t think steroids are the answer to everything. Again, I have great recommendations, I just haven’t made the phone calls.
Though trust me, it’s really fun calling doctors from my office, which has no walls or doors. I really really like it when my coworkers can overhear me saying things like “blood in stool.”
Operation Get New Doctor: FAIL.
2. Do a handstand. I’m not sure why I ever said I wanted to do this, or why I think I’m capable of pulling it off, but I guess there’s no backing out now, huh? I came sort of close last week during a yoga class at Pure Yoga. It was my first-ever 90-minute class and it featured three different instructors. Something about Pure Yoga’s 4th anniversary. It was a fantastic class and I loved it. There were about 10 instructors in the room, walking around and giving adjustments, which meant I got lots of personal attention. You know how I feel about attention. I LOVE IT.
The people taking the class were legit yogis and yoginis and yogilates and yogi bears, and I, Unbendy Ali, am none of those things. While everyone in the class went into “inversions” during upside-down time, I hung out in child’s pose, my favorite. But then a kind instructor came over, and he helped me get my handstand on. I tightened my “core” and he held onto my legs and it was fun. But then he let go of my legs, and Handstand Ali came crashing down. Hard. Onto the girl next to her.
So close, but this one is a FAIL.
3. Take a trampoline class. Oh good! Another big fat FAIL. I really want to do this, I just haven’t had time. Maybe this summer. Who’s in?
4. Take better care of my skin. PASS! PASS! I’m doing this one! My mom got me that Clairisonic Mia scrubby electric thing that swishes all over my face, and I use it! And it’s so fun! And yay! I’m doing something on my list! Does my skin look any different? No. I still get breakouts like a teenager. But whatever. I’m giving it a better effort than I did in 2011. And 2010. And my entire life. Why is no one patting me on the back right now?
5. Run on a track. I’m so sad I haven’t done this one yet. I’m dying to do some speedwork on a bouncy track. I was supposed to run on the track when I crossed the finish line at the Eugene Marathon, if you recall, but that didn’t happen. Tragedy.
Now, since obsessively watching all the Olympic Trials coverage in Eugene, I’m extra sad I didn’t get to pull off that race, and I’m even more eager to get my slow booty onto an oval so I can fly around it and get faster. Or just jump up and down. Either option is fine. But still, FAIL.
6. Take a dance class. Um, nope. Another FAIL.
Can we all just pause briefly right now to question what the heck I’ve been doing for the past six months if it hasn’t been checking things off my oh-so-important New Year’s Resolutions list?
7. Try out Yoga to the People. Um, I had plans to go. Then I canceled them. Something came up. FAIL.
8. Go for a totally naked run. Totally naked means “no Garmin, no music.” I run without music all the time now, but I still usually carry my phone with me (What if there’s an emergency, like I get injured mid-run, or something really exciting happens on “Dance Moms” and I need to see what the Twitter reaction is like?) and pretty much always wear my Garmin because I like tracking my distance. Totally naked does not mean running without a bra. Ew. Yet another FAIL.
9. Hold a 5-minute plank. Boom. Yeah that happened. A few times, actually.
Pretty sure I couldn’t pull it off these days, what with my “weak glutes” and my sad, saggy core, but it happened, and it was kind of awesome. Finally, a PASS!
10. Run over the Queensboro Bridge. FAIL. Fail so hard.
11. Be a kickass aunt. OK, here we go. I’m not sure I’ve been “kickass,” but I’d like to think that based solely on the amount of Tyler photos I post here on this blog, it’s clear that I’ve got a ton of love for that tiny bundle of joy and burping.
Tyler, Auntie Ali thinks you’re the best thing ever. I will bring you presents every single time I see you. Most of them will have pictures of giraffes on them.
Operation Spoil My Nephew: PASS!
12. Cook one legitimate meal per month. Yes! Another PASS!
Some of the stuff I’ve made has been basic and lame — scrambled eggs for about three weeks straight — but a few of the meals I’ve made have been pretty decent. Last night, for example, let me show you what I made…
I thought this dish was delicious, and my dinner guests ate their whole bowls, too. I haven’t barfed or had any usual bathroom experiences since eating, so I think we’re all safe!
13. Don’t let people make me feel badly about my life decisions. Major PASS! This resolution is awesome. I just don’t give a shit what people think of me anymore. It’s pretty freeing. You should try it. This might be the best, most life-changing resolution I made, honestly.
14. Run a sub-4 hour marathon. Well, it was a fail for the Eugene Marathon, but here’s hoping I can get my act — and speed — together by November 4 when I attempt the New York City Marathon. Grade: I REFUSE TO FAIL.
And my resolution list from Brian…
1. Run a sub-4 hour marathon. We’ve already discussed this. See above. See perseverance. See also: I’m taking another week off running until my body decides to cooperate. My foot was hurting the other day. So I’m staying off it. I’m hitting Snooze instead of running.
I’m missing running. I’m refusing to begin NYCM training with a broken/hurting/bitchy body. So no long run this weekend. Just maybe a little bike riding.
2. Bike a 40-mile ride. PASS! And I’m super eager for more. Yes, my next goal is to do a Century Ride.
That’s 100 miles, kids.
3. Cook saffron risotto. FAIL. Wow, I have no desire to do this whatsoever. But I will, eventually. Probably on the morning of December 31, 2012.
4. Take a knife skills class. Another FAIL. Another thing I don’t care to do. Ali On The Bloody Hands.
5. Replace the words “stressed” and “overwhelmed” with “excitingly busy.” Psh. Totally nailed this one. PASS! I use “excitingly busy” all the time, as you know. And I’m definitely not using it in a mocking way. But really, I do think I’m starting to get better about managing my stress. I’ve learned that I can’t necessarily control how much stress comes into my life, but I can control how I react to it. So I’m working on that, and my health is improving because of it. I think.
6. Ski out west. Not yet. This isn’t a fail. This is a NOT DONE YET BECAUSE THERE WASN’T MUCH SNOW.
OK, so I have some work to do. Duly noted.
DO YOU? If you’re a New Year’s Resolution maker (which you should be, because OMG lists are so fun), how are yours coming along? Are you succeeding or failing miserably like your ol’ friend Ali over here?