…posing with our hands on our hips in photos in an effort to make our arms look skinnier. Alright, so you’re the chick who has to stand on the end in the big line for the group photo. Bummer placement. We all know that standing in the middle is the best, right?
Sometimes standing with your arm out is simply comfortable.
Other times, it looks silly. You can put your arm down. It looks fine. You look great. Just smile.
Really, I remember at my brother’s wedding, I “taught my mom this trick” about how if you stand with your hand on your waist, it’s more flattering. We got the photos back and in most of them I look completely ridiculous doing this “pose.”
…smoking. OK, you know what? You’re going to keep smoking. I know that. Fine. But can you do me a favor? Please don’t do it on a public sidewalk, where you’re likely to blow that smoke directly behind you and straight into my face and lungs. Also, can you not do it directly in front of buildings I’m trying to enter? I hate having to pass through your dirty air to get into the revolving door. And can you maybe not smoke your cigarette immediately before squeezing yourself into a very crowded elevator? It’s a little gross, and I’d take the stairs but…no, I won’t take the stairs. You should take the stairs.
…doing things that don’t make us happy. Yeah yeah, some things have to get done, I get that. Stupid dirty dishes. But in general, in life, shouldn’t the majority of what we do — work, hobbies, friends — be what we love?
…using the word “retarded.” I’d say 90 percent of the time that word is taken out of context and it makes me cringe.
…letting weddings turn us into crazy people. No, not just the bride-to-be. She’s allowed to be a little stressed, within reason, right? This is for the maids of honor, too, and the bridesmaids, and the guest who is OMG so offended about not being invited with a plus one, and the parents who are mad the adults-only reception isn’t welcoming of their six children, all under the ages of eight. It’s a wedding. It’s one day. It’s supposed to be to celebrate love and matrimony and stuff. It should be fun. Then again, I’ve never had to plan one, so what do I know?
…confusing “you’re” and “your.” Come on now. We’ve been over this.
…forgetting to pack underwear in our pre-work gym bags. OK that’s more of a “note to self.” You can skip this one probably.
…getting deodorant on our black clothes. Every single time. Again, maybe this one is just for me.
…feeling guilty about what we eat. You know what’s delicious? Nachos.
You know what ruins a big plate of nachos? A lengthy post-inhalation bitch fest about feeling badly for consuming so much melted cheese. Stop that. Eat the food because it tastes good and you like it. Don’t ruin that amazing, garlicky aftertaste by lamenting the extra workout you’ll need to burn it off. You feel bloated? Put on some sweatpants. You know that Mexican feast you just had was worth it.
…posting pictures of things we’ve peed on on Facebook. You’re pregnant! Yay! That is very exciting news! But I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I think there are ways to announce it that don’t involve posting that stick you peed on with the positive sign for the Internet world to see. Maybe you could make a balloon? Or a cupcake? Or do that thing where people post a picture of little tiny shoes? That’s a cute one. Babies are cute (some of them). Pregnancy tests, however, don’t really scream “adorable.” Congratulations, though! Psyched for you!
…looking in the mirror and zoning in on the things we hate rather than the things that are actually pretty awesome. Yes, I am quite guilty of this one. Whenever I’m in a dressing room at a store, I try something on and my first inclination is to see whether or not the outfit in question is flattering. Too tight in that area right underneath the belly button? Definitely not making a purchase. I could try on a dress that makes my legs look long, my arms look toned and my skin look freakishly tan (that never happens). But if it shows off my most-hated area, it’s a no-go, and that’s all I’ll see. Note to self (another one): Look at the good things, too. Not just the things that bug you.
…tagging embarrassing photos of our friends on Facebook. That’s not cool. Be nice.
…making lofty, public declarations saying, “I’m never drinking again.” Um, yes you are. Probably soon. But I’m sorry to hear about your hangover.
…being so dang hard on ourselves. You can want to do it all, and you can try. Ambition is a good thing. Let’s try not to beat ourselves up too much if we discover that we’re not, in fact, superhuman. Reality blows, right? Oh, this one is another note to self. You can ignore it if you want.
ANYTHING TO ADD?
(Also, hi! It’s been a busy week at the office. I was going to write a post today to fill you in on my various running and spinning adventures, but then I took the most boring, awful, OMG-is-this-over-yet spin class this morning, so I entertained and distracted myself for 45 minutes with the aforementioned thoughts. Have a great day!)