I’ve spent all morning trying to write a post in my head.
A positive post.
A happy post.
A post that will enlighten you and make you feel like today is going to be the greatest day in the world.
And trust me, I hope that today is the greatest day in your world!
But, much to my frustration, I can’t seem to drag that glass-half-full writing out of me this morning. I’m feeling annoyed today, and in the same “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” mentality, I’m adopting the “It’s my blog and for just one day I’ll be a little negative if you don’t mind” rule.
Life isn’t so bad. I know that. Lately I’ve been feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. Before I get into the crap that’s on my mind, here are five quick things I’m thrilled about today (to prove to you that I’m not a total downer right now):
1. I got to work from home yesterday. Not only did that help me relax, it also helped me be productive. It also meant I wore booty shorts and leg warmers all day. Score.
2. I attended my first spinning class at Flywheel Sports last night, thanks to an event put on by the lovely Melissa and Hint Water. The class was great, the energy level was high and I hope I get the chance to go back to the studio another time soon.
3. I tried cycling shoes for the first time — and I loved them. Flywheel is like an awesome bowling alley where they provide the shoes for you. You give them your size and bam, you’re a real rider. I needed help clipping in and at the end of class I could not for the life of me figure out how to get my shoes unclipped from the bike. So I left them on the bike, slipped my feet out and did the cool-down in my socks. Good job, Ali.
4. I was told I “don’t take myself too seriously.” I loved that. Part of the reason last night’s event was so great is because I got to meet a ton of fellow bloggers/readers/social media addicts. In one particularly great conversation, I was told that I don’t take myself too seriously. True story — and I’m glad that comes across. I don’t know why that made my night, but it did.
5. I’m going to Charlotte tomorrow! I can’t wait to see my best friend and spend the weekend addressing Save the Dates (yes, that excites me), being out on a boat and spending quality time with a special person who lives way too far away.
Alright, now back to business.
Crohn’s Disease is really pissing me off.
I’ve had Crohn’s my entire life — I got diagnosed when I was 7. So while it’s true that I’ve never really known life without this disease, it’s also true that I’ve never hated it that much.
Yes, I’ve had some bad flare-ups, and yes they’ve come at the most inconvenient times possible:
- When I went away to college. First week in the dorms, three roommates, chronic stomach pain and frequent bathroom trips = the best first impression ever, obviously.
- When I studied abroad in Australia. You know what’s great? Being halfway around the world without active health insurance, navigating your way to a hospital because you’re in so much pain you can’t stand up. Also, missing out on great things like…drinking…at Australian bars.
- When I started my first post-college job. Hello, employer, let’s have a talk. Thanks for understanding my sexy disease.
- After I got promoted at work. Thanks for the new title and all this responsibility. Excuse me while my body tries to tell me I can’t handle it.
All stress-related times. All annoying. But all fixed, after some appointments with my doctor and a high dosage of Prednisone, a steroid that makes my face puffy and keeps me up at night.
I try not to get down about my flares because I know they’ll pass. I also know that so many people are affected so much worse by this disease. Many people feel its effects every day, without any relief. I’m lucky because while I have stomachaches and “issues” most days, I’m not keeled over in pain very regularly.
Lately, though, Crohn’s is getting the best of me.
And now’s not a good time.
You see, I have a marathon to train for.
I saw my doctor recently, after the brutal Brooklyn Half Marathon, and explained to him that my stomach just won’t let up. It was bothering me more than normal. Why?
We did bloodwork, which came back fine.
So now what?
Since that appointment, my stomach has gotten worse. I know that I’m stressed, and that I bring a lot of this stress on to myself. I feel overcommitted and I’m sure that my body is adjusting to a higher volume of running as I get into the bulk of my training.
But I’m trying to take care of myself. I promise.
I woke up sweating this morning. I have no idea why. I don’t think I have a fever, but I was literally drenched.
Good thing I didn’t have company.
(I’m kidding, Mom, my bed is obviously just for me…)
Coach Cane had “easy cross training” on today’s plan, so I thought I’d get up and go to the gym for some elliptical-ing or maybe a spin class where I’d go easy on the resistance.
But then I spent quite some time feeling…awful.
Eventually I felt OK enough to get dressed but at that point I didn’t have time to get to the gym and back. So instead of cross training, I went to the river for a 4-mile easy run. (I promise, Coach, my pace was slow. Real slow. And I took walking breaks.)
My body was sluggish, and every now and then I had to stop and walk when my stomach cramped up.
Instead of going with the flow, I found myself getting really angry. Like, wanting to punch something angry.
The only good thing about my stomach being a brat today was that instead of stopping completely during the run, I would pause near a park bench and use it to do tricep dips. I ended up doing 100 total. Winning? Sure.
My main annoyance — and the reason for this ranty post — is that I’m at a point in my life where my main focus is being healthy. I exercise, I eat mindfully (yes, I am mindful about shoveling 16 Handles into my mouth — stop judging me) and I don’t get enough sleep, but I want to. I want to be in the best shape possible as I approach September 24 and the Hamptons Marathon.
Not being able to control a major factor of my health — and my life — is driving me nuts.
Also, dating. “Hi, thanks for dinner, I have to run home now.” That’s not totally convenient, nor is it fun or particularly pleasant to talk about. I will leave it at that.
Dating is fun though.
Life is still good.
I refuse to end this post on a negative note, so here are five more reasons why, even though Crohn’s sucks, life still rules:
1. I have a hummus sandwich for lunch. Sure to be delicious.
2. There are some people in this world who are really nice, and I feel blessed to know them and have them around.
3. Mrs. Coach Cane — A.K.A. Nicole — left possibly the best comment ever on my Mini 10K Recap post last night. An excerpt: “Positivity breeds positivity—this is one of the few blogs out there where the comments are not only mature, but thoughtful and kind. Enjoy the camaraderie of it all, support each other, and get out there and get your heart rates up. I found one of my dearest friends through the sport of running. Don’t be afraid to talk to people out there. You just may end up with a life long friend.” How stinkin’ cute is she?
4. Lauren inspires me every day, and she further inspired me this morning, and even got me a bit out of my funk. She wants a spot on Nuun’s Hood to Coast relay blogger team. Check out her post, cry at the video and then leave a comment telling Nuun they’d be crazy to pass her up.
5. I’m wearing my favorite blue dress today. Great outfit = great day. Right?
Plus, I have a job, I get a paycheck, I have an apartment I adore, great friends, a wonderful family and a lot of shoes. Even on tough days I still have two legs and a body that allows me to run, sometimes fast and sometimes slow. Life is not bad. Today it may be frustrating. But I’m still a happy person.
Regular optimism will return tomorrow.
I leave you with that. I have no question to ask today and no discussion to start. Today is just me getting some things off my mind and onto the…Internet…
May your day be filled with sunshine and happy things like puppies and kisses.